One thing I’ve learned this year so far (about fear)

Person high up on building, facing fear

Things you thought were really scary aren’t so scary once you’ve done them…

I thought that writing a blog post and putting it out there would be really scary. I thought that tweeting said blogpost would be even scarier.

I’m not a massive social media person.

The only tweets I’d previously sent had been for my work Twitter account, and they were few. But I realised that if I want to reach people, and if I want to help someone by writing something that might resonate with them, I have to get the writing out there into the world. Twitter seemed like a good way of doing that.

Once I’d written my first blogspost – I was pretty proud. I felt as though someone reading it might feel inspired. So that helped, I actually wanted to get it out there.

I spent a while looking at how people I admired structured their tweets when they were publishing blogposts, wrote several draft versions of my own tweet until I was happy, and pressed ‘Tweet’.

That was it. Easy. Done. Out there.

I soon realised that the scariest thing about sending out a tweet, especially one where you want people to click a link and read on, is the possibility that no one will see it, or take any notice. You’ve spent time rewriting and editing, finding a decent image for your post, drafting a tweet which will be captivating…and then you look at the stats and realise the tweet has passed the eyes of very few people. No one has clicked the link.

Oh.

So the fear of tweeting disappears. The fear of putting your work out there disappears. The fear of not being seen appears. Isn’t that interesting? How one big fear can disappear just like that, as soon as you do the scary thing?

And then the next big fear appears?

What’s the big scary thing you’re going to do today? Only to realise it’s not that scary after all?

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If you’d like to contact me for a coaching session, do so here. I can help if you’re feeling stuck, scared, stressed, and you’re not taking action.

Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash

The Day I Decided to Quit my Job

Image of hot air balloons flying over landscape
I quit my job. It all came down to one decision. One decision I’d spent years building up to.

The day I finally decided to quit my job – one decision completely changed the course of my life, as decisions tend to do. But not all decisions are created equal. Some set off a small shift in your day-to-day life, others set off a series of events which are much bigger than you ever expected, hoped or dreamed. (More here).

I’d been considering leaving my job for years. It wasn’t making me happy, it didn’t feel like a right fit after a decade of hard work. The main reason I hadn’t left was that I wasn’t sure what to move on to do.

I started to seriously consider what the reality of quitting my job might mean. With no specific plan for what to do next, could this be an option? Make the break, and work out what to do next with a clearer mind?

I’d need to make money somehow. I had a mortgage and bills to pay.

I started reading blogposts and articles and books about what to do when you’re considering quitting a job. (Like this and this). I realised that setting myself up with some kind of extra income would help with the massive fear of not having a regular salary for a period of time.

The least I could do would be to investigate this – rather than ploughing through unexciting job ads, I could look into how to support myself in other ways. Could I find a way to survive whilst exploring new ideas and options  and working out what to do next?

The most attractive option was something a friend of mine had told me about a while before – she was freelancing for a translation company – quality checking and finalising translations. She could work when she liked, as much as she liked, from home or wherever she happened to be.

She thought I had the qualifications and experience to do the same. So she passed on a contact at the company, I got in touch, filled in some application forms, did a series of tests, passed, and was accepted onto their books.

Whoo! I now had a legitimate way of making money if I left my job! It would be ad  hoc, with no guarantee of work or monthly income, but it was something.

I sensed freedom.

I also knew that I could tutor students in English and touch-typing, something both my parents did in their retirement. Again, I had the qualifications and experience to do this. And I could earn a good rate of pay from it. Again – no guarantees, but money, and more freedom.

As I started to really consider my options, I started to think about my skills in a different way, not only concentrating on what I was doing every day in my current job, but on all the skills I had at my disposal.

What could I possibly do to make money? I wasn’t concentrating on the one next big important role. I wasn’t thinking about my career ladder, the next job title. It was back to basics, what can I do, can I make money from it, could I enjoy spending my time doing it?

I ended up doing various things to keep afloat – read more here.

So that day when I decided to quit my job, it wasn’t on a whim. This wasn’t a total leap into the unknown. It certainly wasn’t a rash, reactive decision.

It felt a bit like it at the time. One day I just had enough, and speaking to my parents, I said, “I think I need to do this”.

But it was actually a decision based on many hours deliberating, dreaming, worrying, analysing, planning. I’d gathered the evidence that it might be a realistic solution for me. I’d gathered enough evidence to give me the confidence to do it.

I can’t recommend quitting your job without having lined up the next one. It is a big risk. For some people this will work out fine, others need more security and certainty.

What I can recommend though, is starting to properly look at different ways of making money through the skills and experience you already have.  Things you probably haven’t yet considered.

Imagine for the next 6 months you won’t be doing your current job.

You need to make money. What can you do? If you had to come up with some ideas, what would you do?

Is there something you’ve always had a bit of an interest in but not really pursued? For me at that time it was the translation work. Is there a way you could try it out on the side? Set up on a freelance website like UpWork and do a couple of hours a week? Start a side project? Writing, consulting, mentoring, volunteering?

Could you make the break slowly, bit by bit, easing yourself into a new industry, a new way of working, a new way of seeing things?

Get in touch with me here if you’d like me to help you with your career transition.

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Why Perfectionism isn’t your friend

Perfectionism: neatly laid out desk items

What is perfectionism?

I recently read something about perfectionism, and was surprised to learn that it is less about wanting to do everything perfectly, being in control, wanting to be the best you can be, and more about caring desperately how other people see you.

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement and blame… Perfectionism is more about perception than internal motivation, and there is no way to control perception.”

– Brené Brown, Daring Greatly.

It’s an addictive need to put immense pressure on yourself.

Perfectionism inhibits you. It stops you from taking small risks, experimenting, trying stuff out.

It cages you in.

It’s the little voice saying you can’t do something unless you’re 100% sure of the outcome, and that outcome has to be positive.

It’s not good for you.

So, after reading this and ruminating a little, I’m trying to develop a motto of ‘I’m not perfect and that’s a good thing.’

I’m no longer aiming for perfection. I’m aiming for – ‘I’m putting a lot of effort into this, and I want to do well, but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t.’

Taking the pressure off.

It’s quite hard to let things go. To do – enough. Enough is better than nothing. Something is better than nothing.

What about you? Do you have perfectionist tendencies? Are you aware of how they limit you? Is it something you want to change?

You might also like to read this on imposter syndrome, and for more Brené Brown, this.

Trying to be perfect may stop you from making decisions about your career change. If you’re feeling stressed and stuck and you’d like my help, book in a coaching session with me here: Contact Me

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Imposter Syndrome

Person sat on a railing over water, imposter syndrome

I read an article about imposter syndrome the other day: This Is How You Get Rid of Imposter Syndrome.

“You’ve probably blamed luck or other factors for your success instead of embracing the fact that you were responsible. You, my friend, have experienced imposter syndrome.”

It got me thinking.

When I first applied for my job in advertising, over a decade ago, I felt really confident completing the application. My skills and experience matched the criteria; I had experience working in an international environment and spoke French. And I was enthusiastic about working in the magazine industry.

I really wanted the job.

Waiting to go in to the interview (or coming out, I can’t remember which), I saw a girl I knew, a friend of a friend, also going for an interview for the same role. We had a brief chat.

A couple of days later, they offered me the job. However, for some reason I decided that they had probably offered the job to this other girl first, thinking that she must have turned it down.

I said something along these lines to my Dad, who asked why on earth I would even think such a thing. Why wasn’t I confident enough in myself to assume I’d been offered the job because I was perfect for the job?

During the ten years I worked for that company, I still felt like an imposter, right up until the end. The first few years I enjoyed it, but I quite often felt on tenterhooks, expecting to be found for I don’t know what. Not being good enough at the job?

Where did this lack of confidence come from?

Is it a perfectionist thing, always trying to be perfect and never make any mistakes, and massively fearing making any? Possibly? (read here)

Later on, as a sales manager, I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel chatty/salesy/showy enough. I’m quiet, reflective, I listen. I don’t have the gift of the gab. Quite often I prefer to listen than to talk. I felt that you needed to be the opposite in the industry I worked in. It became stressful.

I concentrated more on ‘I’m not the right person for the job’ rather than ‘this job’s not right for me’.

One quote that stuck in my mind when going through a tricky time in this company, was from Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford commencement address:

‘Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

This for me was imposter syndrome. Feeling as though I was playing a role in someone else’s life. This wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

Is it you, or is it the job?

If you’re feeling like this, I think it’s really important to take stock. Is it that you need to build up your confidence, find a way to lose this feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.”

Carry on with the work you are doing, and realise that you are as capable, talented, intelligent, interesting, as everyone else?

Or, do you need to take a reality check, and realise that the work you’re doing or the company you work for, isn’t right for you? It doesn’t suit your personality, values or lifestyle? Is it time to for a change?

If you’d like my help in getting unstuck and changing your job or career, book in for a discovery session with me here. We can talk things through.

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Vision boards and visualisation

Vision board: Black and white image of couple dancing

Last weekend I took a trip to a beautiful seaside town on the Costa Blanca in Spain, called Jávea. In the Airbnb I stayed in, there was a pile of old magazines and books. I picked one up, an old French magazine, and flicked through it. On one page, I was stunned for a minute to see an image I know well.

A small black and white image of a couple dancing. The man, dapper in a suit and loafers, has one arm around his partner. She’s cool, in a tucked in shirt and calf length black skirt, one arm on her partner’s shoulder, the other hidden behind her back. She looks directly at the camera, ready to be swung around. They look relaxed and insouciant, moving to a beat. It’s a beautiful picture.

And it has a place close to my heart. It’s an image I came across randomly over a year ago now, and it’s one I’ve studied many times since.

Building a specific picture of what you want

It’s part of a vision board that I created prior to moving to Spain. Along with several other images, it’s a picture I looked at over and over in the run up to moving. These pictures made me dream, I could imagine how I wanted my life to be, how I wanted it to change.

You can download my guide to creating vision boards as a PDF here: How to create a vision board ebook

I’d read a few books that mention how powerful a vision board can be, so I thought I’d give it a go. I knew that I wanted to move to Spain, but I knew that I had to put the idea to my bosses, and get over any fears around actually doing it.

My interpretation is that if you put effort into focussing specifically on what you want, use images to help you visualise what you want, and, importantly, how you want to feel, it helps you move closer to achieving your goal.

The more you can build a specific picture of what you want, the more real it becomes. The more you focus on what you want, and the more open you become to opportunities to make it happen.

My vision board

Take my vision board based on my decision to move to Valencia for example, which I created using Pinterest. (Here’s my post about how to create a vision board – Top 10 tips for creating a vision board.) I called it ‘I live in Ruzafa’ (my neighbourhood in Valencia). I selected any image that related to how I imagined my life to be in Spain to be,. Any image that made me feel happy and excited for my potential life in Spain.

For example, I picked images of the streets I wanted to walk around in.

There’s an image of a people eating dinner sat outside a restaurant, along a cobbled street; it’s early evening and there is soft lighting above their heads, shuttered windows overhead.

I chose a picture of a minimalist pilates studio.

There’s an image of a passageway in a park, with benches along one side, and what appears to be a tunnel of pink bougainvillea stretching along to the end.

There’s a picture of the co-work space I’d spotted on a previous visit.

There are numerous cool cafes I could picture myself drinking in, working in, catching up with friends in.

I had images of a park I wanted to walk and picnic in, the beach I wanted to relax at during weekends.

I had images of the sort of flat I wanted to live in: modern, simple, bright.

Every time I’d look at this vision board, I’d feel a buzz of excitement. It helped me believe that my dream could be possible. It gave me the motivation to go for it and make it happen.

The result

And now, over a year after moving to Valencia, I walk through the streets I’d captured on my vision board. I’m in the cafes, the co-work space, and the park every day. I visit a pilates studio two minutes from my front door and go to the beach whenever the urge takes me. I live in a modern, simple, bright apartment.

And I dance salsa (read more here). Not quite with the pizzazz of the couple in my picture (and I don’t think they’re actually dancing salsa), but nevermind.

I frequently feel that same buzz of excitement I felt when looking at my vision board. I’m really here, doing the things I wanted to do!

I’m not saying this to show off. My life certainly isn’t perfect. But I consciously thought about how I want to life my life, what I want to do, how I want it to be. That’s the first step to making it a reality.

Seeing the picture of the dancers in the magazine touched me. It feels special. My vision board held components of this dream I held so close, that has become a reality. I can see how far I’ve come.

Using visualisations isn’t magic

You’re training your mind to focus on what you want. Willing yourself to do what you really want. It’s about reminding yourself of what’s important to you. When your visualisations start to become reality, it feels like magic.

Please share with someone you think might enjoy exploring vision boards.

Do you need help with a career transition? If you want to get unstuck and move forward  with your life, and you’d like to try coaching with me, book in a session here: Contact Me

You can download my guide to creating vision boards as a PDF here: How to create a vision board ebook

Photo: Viralnova