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Languishing

If you’re feeling blah about career change or life in general, I’d recommend reading this article from the New York Times about ‘languishing’.

A friend brought it to my attention as we were discussing this strange feeling so many of us seem to be experiencing at the moment:

“Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.”

It’s been a tough old time. And we’re still in this strange hinterland of not being locked down, being able to be out and about more, maybe even socialising and seeing people we love…and yet, we’re not there yet. 

Travel isn’t ok, allowed, or easy. New variants pop up to give us the fear once again. Vaccinations are happening – but being vaccinated doesn’t suddenly make everything ok. 

And so, we’re struggling. We’re OK. But not great. Not full of energy, plans or joy. Motivation is a tricky one. Somehow so many of us are just about managing to go through the motions.

But anything that requires energy and effort, like looking for a new job, or starting to explore new possibilities, just seems so hard right now.

Small wins and flow

The article recommends focusing on small goals as a way to counteract this feeling. And getting into a flow state, where time passes without your awareness of it because you’re fully absorbed in doing something. 

I guess getting into a flow state means making sure you spend a bit of time each day doing something you love, and that makes you feel good. 

For me this means going for a walk and listening to a podcast. I forget everything, I focus on moving forwards and taking in what I’m listening to. 

Or it means watching a great tv show.

Or having a good chat with a family member or friend.

Or reading.

That’s all pretty doable. And as for the small wins?

Something that has helped me for over a year now, thanks to a little book given to me by a friend, is to write at the end of each day, a few things that made me smile.

It could be remembering how pretty the flowers looked in the park this morning. An funny exchange with a colleague. A text from a friend which feels like a hug. A particularly delicious snack. Lying on the sofa after work and doing nothing for a bit. 

The amazing thing is that it brings awareness to your day. Something happens and you make a mental note that this will be one of your wins of the day. And causes you to pause, take it in, reflect, and move on.

Then at the end of the day, even if it has seemed pretty so-so and uneventful, you sit and reflect and realise there were a few brilliant moments. Moments of beauty, of connection, of contentment. Of gratitude. 

We’re all languishing. It’s to be expected. I’m trying to remind myself that it won’t always be this way. And in the meantime, focus on the small wins. The great moments.

If you feel like gently getting things moving and would like my help and support with your career change, you can book a package of 3 x 1-hour sessions with me. You can book your sessions weekly, fortnightly or monthly. I’ll help you unpick where you’re feeling stuck, and make a plan to move forwards. Find me on LinkedIn or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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Shake things up

This week I’ve been thinking about my morning routine. In a time where we have so little freedom and so little control due to covid, I’m thinking about the things I can do to look after myself.

Things that I know are going to help me feel better every day.

My routine has shifted during the past year. Pretty much all our routines have changed in at least some way due to covid – and for many it’s been a seismic shift.

For a long time I’ve enjoyed doing a bit of yoga and having a walk first thing in the morning. Recently I’ve also added some dance into the mix.

And it’s rapidly become an important part of my day.

I do 10 minutes of yoga first thing on waking up. Followed by breakfast, getting ready for the day, doing a little bit of writing if there’s time. Then I join a group over zoom and dance to three songs along with around 10 other people.

Whatever my mood at the start – I relax into it. I’m learning to give myself the freedom to move as I want, even if that means randomly waving my arms in the air or doing some strange shuffling moves. More often than not a song makes me smile or laugh as I see others in the group jumping up and down or rocking out. It’s impossible not to grin dancing to The Proclaimers or Tom Jones. I get a little breathless, feel my heart rate going, I feel it in my legs.

I finish feeling energised – ready to bound out the door for a walk. And with a smile on my face. It’s a daily moment of connection.

A year on, we’re still restricted in so many ways. This is a chance to socialise and to try something new and different, which just cannot be underestimated at the moment.

How’s your routine looking? What can you add in that you know will always make you feel good?

As well as enjoying a daily dance around my living room, I offer career change coaching. You can book a session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

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Trying so much all the time

I’ve been trying out this morning dance challenge called Nobody’s Watching, which I wrote about here. On a zoom call, the host plays us three songs and the rest of us dance around our bedrooms or living rooms, sometimes in dressing gown and pyjamas.

At first I was super awkward, knowing that any of them could see me. But over time I’ve come to love this way of starting the day. I’m relishing just loving the act of dancing. 

I’ve felt so free. And it’s reminded me of my little nieces who I so admire when they dance. They move in a way that feels good and that’s it – no care or worry about what they look like. Big grins on their faces, having so much fun.

I’ve been spinning, swirling, waving my arms like Kate Bush. It’s so freeing, swirling, swooping, whatever I feel like. 

I realise that so much of my dancing in the past has been about trying to look cool, or look good, painfully aware that I might be being watched. As much as I love dancing I’ve often felt very self-conscious doing so.

And it seems this feeling of trying too hard relates to so much of life. We try so hard to appear a certain way, and care so much about what other people might think. 

We think twice before acting, hold our tongue, paint on a mask of being ok.

This little release each morning is helping me to care less. For 15 minutes I don’t care, I’m not trying, I’m gradually letting myself move in exactly the way I feel. If I look stupid, so what. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is how it makes me feel. 

***

I offer career change coaching – get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Josh Gordon on Unsplash

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Slow down again

First week of January. It’s a tiring week for everyone even in normal times. Likely back to work after a bit of a break, suddenly having to get up to an alarm clock, remember passwords and what you actually do in your job. An onslaught of news, catching up, things that need to be done. Add in the fact that it’s January 2021 and there’s just so much to take in. Covid, sinister new strains, lockdowns, issues with the vaccine, Brexit, Trump, doom and gloom, cold, rain, darkness. So overwhelming. 

Suddenly we have to deal with a million thoughts other than ‘what leftover bit of dessert am I going to eat next and what are we going to watch on Netflix tonight?’

It’s absolutely overwhelming, a total gear shift. 

I know I’m finding things overwhelming when I can’t even bring myself to deal with Whatsapp messages from lovely friends – at the end of a busy day it feels like just another screen to look at, more thinking to be done, more energy to be expended. 

All I can think to do is try and slow down again. So here are a few things I’m going to try to do these early weeks of January. 

  • Get away from the computer when I need a break, instead of desperately searching for feel good articles or torturing myself with another news update, or simply ploughing on. Step away from the computer and read a book for 5 minutes.
  • Stick to checking the news once or twice a day, tops.
  • Get up and stretch or walk around. Rather than just thinking about the fact that I should get up every hour, do it instead of staying welded to my seat.
  • Walk – walk in the morning, at lunch, in the evening, any other time I can. It always makes me feel better.
  • Call a friend and have a chat – don’t hide away.
  • Listening to a short Headspace meditation can make all the difference, forcing me to slow down, breathe deeply, close my eyes, rest.

This is my own little checklist anyway, a few things to remind myself of during the day.

Reading the news doesn’t make me feel good, being at the computer all day doesn’t make me feel good, sitting all day doesn’t make me feel good.

Regular breaks to move and change my focus help.

***

One good thing about January is starting to work with new clients on their career change! If you’d like some career coaching with me, you can find out more about me on LinkedIn and send me a message. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

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Looking Forward to Autumn

I do love Autumn. An excuse to start hunkering down. A whole ‘new’ wardrobe of long forgotten jeans, shirts, jumpers and shoes. And slippers! 

Here are a few things I’m looking forward to doing in the coming months.

Reading MORE books – I have Dolly Alderton’s Ghosts and Richard Osman’s The Thursday Murder Club next on my book pile. And audiobook versions of Claudia Winklemen’s Quite, and Caitlin Moran’s More Than a Woman. I feel and hope that they are all going to be warm hugs of books. I just finished Emma Gannon’s Olive which I loved. It was the reading equivalent of cuddling up on the sofa with a cup of tea. So when you actually read it on the sofa with a cup of tea, even better. 

Films – with Halloween coming up, it’s the perfect excuse to find some spooky films to watch. On my list I have Coco, Hocus Pocus and I feel like rewatching Edward Scissorhands. And quite honestly, right now I want comforting old PG classics like Back to the Future, Parenthood, Father of the Bride…

Popping into a café on my own, for a read and a coffee. I haven’t done much of this at all this year, with the restrictions in place. But it’s such a joy, to just take a moment, read, people watch, see life passing by. 

TV – I am so excited to watch the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing…and whichever new BBC dramas are on their way. I’m looking forward to watching some Netflix documentaries, the one on Ruth Bader Ginsburg, The Social Dilemma, the new David Attenborough series A Life on Planet Earth. 

Cooking – I got into some serious cooking during lockdown, opening up unused recipe books and experimenting. This is the perfect time to try out some more new one-pot dishes, hearty, warming, delicious. And maybe the odd cake here and there. Nothing really beats a cup of tea and a bit of cake. 

Lighting candles. I love it when the evenings get darker and I want to create a cosy feel, there’s something magical about candlelight. It feels like a little ritual, lighting my candles and enjoying the glow. 

Walking – at last the season of wrapping up warm and heading out for some leaf kicking! I want to spend as much time in nature as possible, just enjoying being outside. After the seriously restrictive lockdown here in Spain and then hot summer days where you can’t easily walk around, I’m so happy to be able to comfortably walk and walk and walk…

Playing card games – another thing that helped me through lockdown – I’ve realised one of my happy places is playing a game while listening to music at the same time, singing along. Something about that combination makes me so happy. I guess you could call it ‘in the zone’, concentrating, being present. Perfect for when it’s crappy weather outside but you don’t want to watch TV all day.

There we go. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my plans for Autumn and things to look forward to and enjoy. Maybe it’s encouraged you to think of your own. Have fun!

If you’d like to try career change coaching with me, contact me via LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash