You need to value yourself

I had a coaching session with a client the other day. She felt stuck – ready for a big change but lacking in confidence and lacking in direction. As we spoke, I realised she doesn’t place much value on who she is, on her uniqueness, or on her varied experiences. I gave her an exercise to work on to help her see her true value – I’ll explain what it is later.

This client was was toying between starting up her own business and finding any half-decent job that she might quite enjoy and that would pay the bills. As we chatted, she mentioned a conversation with some friends and the feeling that she had to talk differently to them. She felt that they were so much more successful, more knowledgeable than her, that she wasn’t quite on their level. 

It became quite clear to me that she can’t see her own talent or attributes – at all. 

She has a sporadic work history, doing lots of different jobs in lots of different places; she worked in a school, in a cafe, in an office. As she’s never really had a ‘career’ – she feels that her experience is trivial, or of no consequence.

Not only that, but listening to her, and knowing her a little, I know that she has so many personal attributes that make her incredibly special. So many things come to her naturally, that others don’t possess.  She’s just not aware of them.

Her listening and empathising skills are incredible. She makes people feel comfortable, warm and invited. She is an amazing host; setting a beautiful scene, cooking delicious food, being an entertaining and welcoming host.

She’s organised, a planner, and efficient. She notices details. She’s the kind of person that if something needs doing, she’ll get it done. 

Passion

She also worried that she isn’t passionate about anything. She felt that she was lacking some sort of strong feeling towards anything. But as we spoke I realised that she was linking ‘doing’ and ‘not doing’ with what she felt was the right to feel or not feel. She mentioned someone playing a game or creating something and getting really stuck in as evidence of how passionate they are. But she felt that for example, the way live music makes her feel, invigorated, moved, alive; is irrelevant as it’s not her making the music or creating the vibe. I reminded her that passion is all about feeling, whether or not you’re directly creating or doing ‘the thing’.

Doing good work and spending your time well doesn’t have to mean working hard on something you are passionate about. I think this is quite rare and you’re incredibly lucky if you find it. Most of us are replying to emails, making calls, going to meetings. Not necessarily stuff to be passionate about. But – if you are passionate about what this work is aiming to achieve and the effect it will have on the world, that’s something. And if you are passionate about the people you work with, or the environment in which you work, or the lifestyle it lets you lead – that’s important too. 

In fact, I think we have to be careful tying in ‘passion’ and ‘work.’ I think it’s perfectly acceptable and normal to do work that’s fine or pretty good, and to find your passions out of work. And that doesn’t have to mean a having particular hobby that you are obsessed with and passionate about. It can just mean having a pretty nice time, enjoying cooking, chatting to friends, walking in nature.

Write a chronology

Back to my client. She doesn’t realise how important her skills, experiences and attributes are and that not everyone has them. She is totally devaluing herself. 

As a task I told her to write a chronology of all the things she has achieved since leaving uni up until now. Where has she been, what has she learned, what courses has she done? What interesting experiences has she had, what opportunities has she found or created. Which languages has she learned and spoken, what jobs has she completed. Where has she volunteered. What brave choices has she made. 

I want her to go through this process to try and give her an outsider’s view on all that she’s achieved. Writing a cv can seem a little limited and dull, you have to condense things into soundbites. But in writing out a chronology of life events, I wondered if she’ll be able to see a thread running through. Where did she follow her heart? What drew her to volunteer, or move to another country? Is there anything she has been consistently interested in over this time? What did she think she’d enjoy, but found it wasn’t for her? 

I’ll check in with her next week and find out what, if anything, she’s discovered. The aim of the exercise is to change your perspective, to start to view things slightly differently. What if she can see that she’s a brave, adventurous person, an explorer? Someone who’s not willing to settle for ‘normal’, or safe, or do what everyone else does?

Can she change her narrative from seeing herself as a drifter with no direction to someone who’s experimenting, exploring, working to find her way to what really makes her tick?

If you’d like coaching session with me, find me on LinkedIn or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

What are you looking for?

You can get quite stuck when going through a career transition. Perhaps you were already feeling stuck in you current role. You knew you wanted to move on, but you didn’t know where you wanted to go. So you stayed. And felt miserable.

So now you’re stuck in this halfway point, you’re SURE you want to leave your current job. You’re halfway out the door. You’re dreaming of a better life, new challenges, a jolt of energy. But – you’re feeling paralysed. What on earth are you going to move on to do?

There are a few different things that appeal, but you’re not 100% about any of them. It’s all a bit daunting and unknown. What if the job’s great on paper but the people are terrible? And if my new boss is toxic? What if it turns out I really don’t enjoy doing x all day?

Something that can be helpful when going through a career transition is to get clear on your values. What are you looking for fundamentally, forget job titles and status. If you can get your core values clear, you use that as a sort of compass to help guide you when looking for your next role.

I listened to a podcast the other day where the host was talking about whether or not a job allowed you to you ‘learn, develop and have a positive impact’. These were her base values. If she’s hitting these three then things are looking good, this is what’s most important to her.

If she were to consider a new role she could check if it meets these three criteria. Will she be learning, will she be developing herself, will her work have a positive impact?

Some of my core values are learning, freedom, sincerity. What are yours?

If you need help with your career transition, you can contact me for some sessions at joaopoku@gmail.com or LinkedIn.

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

Career change burnout

So, you’re going through a career change.

You’re on it. You’re updating your cv, applying for jobs, contacting people, asking for advice. You’re full of energy, full of enthusiasm, full of motivation, you’re going to do it. You feel amazing.

But then, out of nowhere, a sort of burnout hits you.

You just cannot look at another job spec. You can’t bear to look at your cv again. You’re done with looking at the computer screen.

You feel dejected. You’ve put so much into it and yet you haven’t had any positive responses to job applications. Not one. And suddenly these dream jobs that seemed so close and so perfect for you now seem impossible.

The motivation has drained out of you, you’re feeling negative, defeated, and the self-doubt is kicking in. It all just seems so hard, so much work.

I think of this as a sort of career change burnout. You put all your energy and thinking into your career change, and it really does take a huge amount of energy and motivation. You have to psyche yourself up, big yourself up, do things that are a bit scary or make you uncomfortable, such as talking about how great you are. The adrenalin is pumping. And then when you don’t get the results you want, after all your efforts, it just blows up in your face. It’s the comedown.

My advise is, step away for a while. Stop checking job alerts, stop randomly scrolling. Just leave it for a while. Instead read some inspiring career change stories, or listen to a podcast or talk with someone who loves their job. Seek out tips and advice. Search out new ideas. Get yourself inspired again. Then when you’re ready for it, launch into it again with renewed enthusiasm.

Don’t try and push through career change burnout. It’s emotionally draining and it takes a lot out of you. Look after yourself. Keep taking action, but some days you need big action, other days small action.

The aim is to make the process as enjoyable as possible, not drive yourself to despair.

If you’d like help with career change coaching, you can book a 1-hour session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Sven on Unsplash

Ask for help

It can be really daunting looking for a new job or trying to change career. Don’t be scared to ask for help – chances are you’ll have so many people around you who will be keen to help.

Take writing your cv for example. At the time it seems a monumental task. Put all your skills, experience, education, qualifications, interests, volunteering, into one document, two pages or shorter? Also making sure that each word you write is entirely relevant to the job you want to apply for? Only including the skills the that appear on the job spec, and that the recruiter wants to see?

You don’t have to include everything little thing you’ve ever done – but miss out something which could be important, at your peril.

Most of us would rather do anything but.

Here’s where learning to ask for help comes into its own. Chances are you have someone within your network who is a whizz at cvs, who has the eye of an eagle, who is skilled at synthesising what a job spec is asking for and what you can offer. And they can help you out.

Maybe it’s a friend, a family member, a trusted colleague? An ex-colleague? A university or school friend? Someone you do sports with, or a class with?

It’s a breeze

Most people are busy and have their own things to be getting on with. But – when people are good at something, they usually jump at the chance to do what they excel at. For them it’s a breeze, fun even. And won’t take too long.

And it is massively helpful. Another pair of eyes, another perspective, someone who can see the whole picture and isn’t dismissing your achievements as inconsequential or lame – is a great asset. They even help you to look at your experience afresh, and realise how much you have achieved. That not everyone can do what you can do, you’re just so used to it it seems boring, but for others it’s a great skill.

They may also be a bit more up to date with the world of job applications, and be able to give you some tips on how to format the cv, and make it all a bit more readable and appealing.

Go for someone you trust, who knows a thing or two about cvs, or the industry you are interested in.

And if you really don’t have someone you feel you can ask, there are a ton of online support articles to help you out. Just find the one with the right tone of voice for you, that will make you feel buoyed up rather than depressed.

If you’d like help with career change coaching, you can book a 1-hour session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Sort it!

I love to organise and plan. It makes me feel good. I love a new to-do list, getting it all down on paper, getting my head together. I like sorting things out, the feeling of ticking something off a list. And I love a good makeover.

If a book I’m reading mentions anything to do with decluttering, or someone getting their life together and having a makeover, I’m thrilled. Particularly if it’s about the space they are in. Sorting out a room or a house, cleaning, repairing, chucking out old, broken, useless stuff. Sprucing it up, giving it a refresh. A bit of paint here, a good clean, moving the furniture around. That stuff sucks me in. 

This love of organisation and decluttering comes into my career change coaching work. I love helping career change clients to sort through the fog and gain clarity.

Get rid of the murky thoughts

They’re overwhelmed, stressed, with lots of thoughts and ideas milling around in their heads. Quite often it’s a bit murky, a bit negative. Sometimes there are some old beliefs in there – reminding them that they are not good enough, or what they should or shouldn’t be doing.

More often that not, these clients have some great ideas and dreams. But these are clouded by feelings of inadequacy, a lack of confidence, a fear of failure. 

So – I work through all this with a client. 

Like we would do tackling a house makeover – we sort stuff out. Then we clean it up. We get rid of the stuff we don’t need, the thoughts or beliefs that are dragging us down or making us feel bad. I work with a client to really understand what is behind a particular negative belief.

For example if they say, ‘but I’m not creative’ – what do they really mean? Have they had a bad experience where they think they’ve failed or someone has told them they are not creative? How has this affected their thinking going forwards? Can they think of any time where in fact they have been creative? 

Gain clarity

Meanwhile, we gain clarity. We sort through the mess, sort through the ideas. I aim to get to the heart of what a client wants, what do they really want to do?

I encourage my clients to let the unhelpful thoughts go, and try to see things from a new perspective. What skills do they actually have? Are they transferable? Which skills could they see themselves enjoying using in a different role?

And finally we get organised, we plan. What steps does my client need to take to get them to where they want to be? Can we break down each step into even smaller, less intimidating steps?

We work out what the client can do in the next week, a small doable step that’s going to move them forwards in their shift. And we repeat this over time, keeping moving forwards.

If you’d like to book a career change coaching session with me, you can do so here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash