The One Habit That’s Going to Change Your Mindset, Improve Your Confidence and Make You Take Action

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(Hint, the new habit? It’s listening to podcasts and reading books. We’ll get there in a bit. First, here’s the background.)

The New Normal

Over the past few years, surrounding myself with people who think in a certain way has totally changed my mindset and has been massively beneficial. Because of this I now believe I’m a person who can live an exciting, interesting, adventurous life.

I can leave a job I don’t enjoy.

I can move to live in another country.

I can set up my own business.

If other people out there can do it, why the hell can’t I? Whereas once before I wouldn’t have had the confidence to think like that, this kind of thinking has become ‘normal’ for me. My goals and dreams are totally doable and achievable.

And if I look back at the me from a few years ago, I realise how far I have come.

Hiding Away

At that point I was severely lacking in confidence. I didn’t know where I wanted my life to go (other than a consistent longing to fling myself from an office window- more with the desire to fly far far away than to land with a splat).

I was in a job I didn’t enjoy and hadn’t enjoyed for years. I felt trapped, lost, stuck, frustrated. I was meandering, aimless – I wasn’t yearning for a promotion or to become my boss, there was no appeal there whatsoever. I just wanted to hide away.

The prospect of a potential huge new project or important client would appear and I’d feel a sinking feeling, I didn’t want to deal with it and I didn’t feel equipped to deal with it, despite having worked in the industry for a decade! It seems incredible now but that’s how I felt.

Now things have changed. I’m much better at making decisions about what I want to do, and how I want to live my life, and going for it.

Deciding what I want, having the balls to ask for what I want, and making it happen. To have the confidence and boldness to go for it. It’s as though I’m building this decision-making muscle, which was lying dormant for many years.

The New Habit

I honestly can’t stress enough how important reading books and blogs and listening to podcasts has been in changing my mindset and building my confidence. Read more about this here.

Reading, listening and absorbing.

They say you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Well, through books and podcasts, I’ve been surrounding myself with people who are living bold lives, on their terms. Find out who here and here.

People who are passionate, confident, who admit to taking risks and making mistakes, but who have the drive to make it work.

People who have great, interesting lives, who haven’t let themselves be held back (by themselves).

People who didn’t know it all before starting out, who still don’t know it all, and have just learned along the way.

People who have found their own voice and are brave enough to be heard.

Sometimes I’m surprised to hear that these people are my age or younger. And they seem so self-assured and confident! But sometimes they say things which are kind of obvious. Or even a bit silly.

And I love it, because then I remember that they are just like everyone else, we ALL have the same fears and worries – there are just those who deal with them, and move forwards, and those who hold themselves back.

Taking action is key

I was listening to a James Altucher podcast yesterday and he said something I had to make a note of:

“The only way to get out of your comfort zone is to do something out of your comfort zone, not read something about getting out of your comfort zone.”

Taking action is key. It’s one thing to absorb all this information, and feel great and dream, and think big. But, you’re only going to progress if you actually start taking action for yourself.

Over to you

Think about someone you find inspiring or interesting. Have they written any books? Are there any autobiographies or biographies about them?  Do they have a website, articles, blog? Have they been interviewed for a radio show or podcast? Are there interview clips of them on YouTube? Have they done a TED Talk? Is it someone you know, or could make contact with? Could you invite them for a coffee?

Read about them, listen to them, find out about their life and see what you can learn from them. Then Take Action. What is it about them that lights you up? What have they done that you can you try or replicate? Can you channel their positive spirit? Build your tenacity? Adopt their work ethic? Try some of their daily habits? Incorporate some of their tactics in your daily work?

Please share with someone you think might enjoy reading this.

If you’d like to work with me, book in a coaching session with me here: Contact Me

Favourite Podcasts for Inspiration, Positive Thinking, Facing Fear & Taking Control of Your Life

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I’m obsessed with podcasts. I have been for quite a few years now. Once I find a good one, I listen to the whole back catalogue, and obsessively wait for new episodes. I listen while walking, preferably in a park or countryside, but also on busy streets. Podcasts give me inspiration, entertainment and emotional support.

Here are some of my favourites in terms of self-improvement, exploring emotions and behaviours, ambition, success, habits, changing your life for the better.

The Tim Ferriss Show with Tim Ferriss

Success tools and tricks from the world’s greatest in all sorts of areas; business, tech, writers, speakers, athletes, actors, designers, comedians…

Interviews I’ve particularly loved have been with Tony Robbins, Debbie Millman, Susan Cain, Scott Adams, Sophia Amoruso, Amelia Boone, Brandon Stanton.

If you’re looking for inspiration in terms of how to live an interesting life, and think big, you might like this podcast. I love how Tim breaks things down, getting to the minutiae of people’s daily routines and processes.

There’s always something to take away, such as Brandon Stanton‘s habit of reading 100 pages of a book each day in order to learn more and self-educate.  Or Debbie Millman‘s Ten-Year Plan for a Remarkable Life – writing down in detail what you want your average day to look like 10 years from now, focussing on the things you want to come true. And Scott Adams‘ affirmations; writing down something you want to happen, a simple sentence, 15 times, over and over and over, every day – and drawing this thing into your life. See also here.

Pardon My French with Garance Doré

Inspiring chats with cool people. Garance Doré is an illustrator, photographer, author, fashion blog creator. Her general vibe is cool older French cousin you love to chat to. What I like about her is her openness about vulnerability, insecurities; just emotions in general. Alongside interviewing people she is inspired by, Garance and her team record shorter podcasts where they discuss various interesting topics including being your own boss, honesty, healthy living etc.

I particularly loved interviews with Gwyneth Paltrow and Sophia Amoruso – which were about being entrepreneurs, leaders, being brave, going through difficult times…

The League of Extraordinary Introverts with Katherine Mackenzie-Smith

This podcast is all about entrepreneurial introverts living life on their terms, celebrating their introverted tendencies and finding success as entrepreneurs.

I really enjoyed the interviews with writer Alexandra Franzen and ‘Mindful Kind’ podcast host Rachael Kable. Alex’s tips on writing, simplifying your life, and how to say no, are motivating and inspiring. I liked Rachael’s interview on mindfulness, and how to do things your own way.

The James Altucher Show with James Altucher

This is described as ‘not your ordinary business podcast’. What it really is, is a series of interesting interviews with a broad array of people. The ones I like always seem to have a strong focus on mindset and facing fears.

The Jen Sincero interview is a good one. Here’s someone who was sick of her life, she didn’t feel as though she had amounted to much, so she decided to improve it. She now helps people work out what is holding them back, and how to get past it. She generally has a badass approach to her life.

I also, of course, loved the interviews with Tim Ferriss, this one covers lessons James has learned from Tim’s book Tools of Titans.

If you’re interested in discovering other podcasts for pure entertainment, some I have loved are: Serial, S-Town, Desert Island Discs, Saints of Somewhere, My Dad Wrote a Porno.

If you’d like to try out a coaching session (or just talk about podcasts) with me click here.

Please share this post with someone who you think might enjoy it. Here’s the link.

A Podcast Saved My Day

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So, I was having a bad day…

Sometimes you read or hear something just at the right time and it feels like a mysterious sign. A while back I was having a bad day. Up until that point, my transition to moving to Spain has been fairly straightforward (forgetting the momentary panic of uncertainty around being able to rent out my flat).

But that day I had a general feeling of eurgh. Having left my London flat, I was staying with my parents before making the move to Spain. I had a day off work, I didn’t know what to do with myself, I felt restless, I felt tired, I was feeling sensitive. I started letting in all those horrible negative thoughts desperate to creep in. Thoughts such as “am I going to be lonely in Valencia, what if I feel like this, what if I’m aimless and listless and friendless, arghhhhhhh!”

…but a podcast changed everything

Thankfully I’ve figured out the best remedy whenever I’m feeling crappy, and that’s to take myself off for a walk and listen to a podcast. It was a lovely sunny Spring afternoon, and I ended up walking alongside the river. Before long I was feeling much more myself and my mood had lifted. Partly due to the walking in the sun, partly because I was listening to a podcast which particularly resonated with me that day (episode no. 120 of She Percolates).

The hosts were discussing the book Rising Strong by social scientist Brené Brown, and the idea of ‘Day Two’. ‘Day Two’ is the point between having (metaphorically) closed one door behind you (Day One), and being on a path somewhere new (Day Three). For example, you’ve left a job (Day One) and at some point you’ll start a new job (Day Three), but you’re right in that inbetween stage. On ‘Day Two’ it’s all a bit murky and you’re not quite sure where you’re heading. You’re feeling unsettled, unsure and above all, UNCOMFORTABLE.

Day two, or whatever that middle space is for your own process, is when you’re “in the dark” – the door has closed behind you. You’re too far in to turn around and not close enough to the end to see the light.” Brené Brown

 

Hearing the hosts talk about their experience of ‘Day Two’ really hit home as that was exactly how I was feeling that day, not quite here nor there. I was listening to someone who was sharing my experience, albeit talking about the ‘murky time’ in their business rather than a move to Spain. It made me feel better. A real ah-ha moment. And it reminded me that I’ve been through ‘Day Two’ before, and I came out of it just fine.

The transition period

When I first left my job in advertising, I went through a 6-month period thinking “what am I doing?” At the time, reading a book called Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra helped me through. She describes her version of ‘Day Two’, “Allow yourself a transition period in which it is ok to oscillate between holding on and letting go.” She talks about experimenting and trying on ‘possible selves’ as a way to progress through career change, staying fluid and open to opportunities.

For example you’re thinking of leaving your job. You’re experimenting with a side project, or you’re studying or training in something new. Or perhaps you’ve left a job, and recently started a new one. You haven’t quite reached the next stage yet, where you feel like you’ve got a bit of an idea what you’re doing. You’re not sure if it’s going to work out, and it all feels very strange. You’re not sure where this will take you.

Reading Working Identity, it was a real comfort to know that this is a transition lots of other people go through, the feeling won’t last forever and it’s just part of the process. Herminia includes case studies on people who seem really accomplished and successful, and rather than this being intimidating, I found solace in the fact that they too struggled. It helps to realise this, and puts things into perspective.

My own transition

Throughout my transition period I tried out several different roles: translator, teaching assistant, tutor, and I completed a teaching qualification. I’d thought about which areas of work interested me – education, languages, literature, and found ways to sample working in these areas. These experiences helped me to shed the skin of my previous role, something I’ve come to realise can take a long time. It increased my awareness of what else is out there and different ways in which I could use my skills and experience. When I saw my current role advertised I was in a much more open state of mind, and ready to try something new. Read more here.

What I learned from listening to this podcast:

1. I’m not the only one going through a difficult transition period. Most people will experience something similar at some point, even those you consider to be mega-successful. It’s just a process and it won’t last forever.

2. Don’t always expect to move from A to B smoothly, easily, with no bumps in the road. Things will come up, but you’ll deal with them and move on.

3. Going through ‘Day Two’ is learning process, you will come out of it clearer on where you want to go or who you want to be, and even though it may take time, you will make it through.

As for my move to Spain, there were more bumps in the road, that’s life, but I’ve kept moving forward step by step, and it’s been totally worth it!

Pass it on

I hope this post helps anyone out there feeling like this today – remember it’s just a period of transition and this feeling will not last forever! Please share with someone you think might appreciate reading this.

If you’d like my help, book in a coaching session with me here: Contact Me

Top 3 things to do when you’re feeling trapped at work

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Trapped, Stuck, Paralyzed

This is a really difficult place in which to find yourself. You know that you are not happy with your current work situation. But you don’t know for sure what you want to do. You could find a similar job elsewhere. You could do the same role in a different industry. Or you could try something altogether different. Maybe take a course, get qualified in something. You could start your own business. You could freelance. Maybe you do have an inkling about what you want to do, but you’re really, really scared to even try.

The options are of course, endless. But what is the RIGHT thing to do? How do you know? Maybe one day you’re inspired to be an entrepreneur, the next you crave the stability of being part of a team. Lack of confidence in your decisions, and the paralysis of having many options may mean that you do absolutely nothing other than cry, daydream and ruminate over potential paths to take.

Here are some things you can try to help you get out of this state.

1. Take Action

It is quite simple advice, and obvious, but it can be so hard to actually do. But you have to fight the paralysis. I repeat this endlessly to my coaching clients, your end goal (be it find a new job, start a business, start a new course, anything in fact) will only be achieved by you taking action and moving forward small step by small step. That’s it. That’s how anyone out there achieves anything.

Make a start

You do something, then you do another thing, then you do another thing. Day after day. And that very first small thing you do can seem so inconsequential and pointless. However….it’s so important. It’s the start. Getting down all of your thoughts and ideas and options on a piece of paper or spreadsheet. Finally reading that book your friend recommended that helped her so much. Completing that exercise that may help you focus on what you really want. Sending a message to that person doing a job you think you might like but are not at all sure of.

Doing this one first thing isn’t going to provide you with a whole new life next week, but it is going to be the start of your new habit, taking small, regular steps towards your goal. And believe me, feeling as though you are actually DOING something rather than endlessly THINKING is a great place to be.

2. Broaden your scope

What do I mean by this? I mean….open yourself up to new thoughts, ideas and opportunities. Chances are, if you’ve been working in job for a number of years (I did my previous job for 10 years before quitting), you have a fairly narrow view of what you could do next. At one point I think I honestly believed I could only move onto another version of the role I had at that time. I was an International Sales Manager – therefore I’d have to find another International Sales Manager role out there somewhere. Even though I wasn’t enjoying the work and it didn’t seem to be a good fit for me, it was as though I was programmed to believe I’d started on that track and could only continue. I think a lot of people feel like this. It was so hard to imagine doing anything else. What did I know about anything else? I felt that my experience was limited. I’d just have to find the same role in a company that felt like a better fit for me, and get on with it.

Explore

Well, of course, this is not the case. There are so, so many different options out there for you, whatever your experience or qualifications. But you need to develop an awareness of this. I found that reading, be it newsletters, blogs or books on career change or interviews with people who love their jobs, really helped me to open up to the idea of doing something DIFFERENT. Taking my skills and experience and applying them elsewhere, for a different type of company and having a different role.

Only through reading about other people who had done just that, did the idea become ‘normal’, and I realised that this is perfectly possible for someone like me. The more you can surround yourself with people who have done what you dream of doing, the more you feel as though you can do it too.

Surrounding yourself in this way can mean chatting to people in person or on the phone, or emailing, but I also found that reading about them or listening to a podcast was really effective. It changed my way of thinking, my mindset. I realised that so many other people out there have felt exactly the same way as me, and they had managed to move on. Discovering this was such a comfort, and is inspiring and motivating.

3. Start thinking positively

It’s a biggie. Maybe the biggest, most important point. I really think that a positive mindset is the key to doing anything. How can it not be? If you view things positively and feel positive, I think you are so much more likely to get out there and take action. So much less likely to hide away and let things stay as they are. And I think it’s something you can work on and develop. If you can cultivate a sense of positivity, you can equip yourself with a sort of protective shield. You can become practised in the art of seeing the best of a situation, or not letting yourself get dragged down by other people, your own negative thoughts, something going wrong.

It becomes a habit

It really does take practice, and I have to remind myself every day. But I think it gets easier, it’s a habit like anything else – maybe you start eating a healthy breakfast every day, or meditating for 5 minutes every evening, and it sticks. Thinking positively – choosing to crush a negative thought with a positive one – is also a habit you can work on which gets easier with time.

Gratitude

One way in which to get started is to spend a few minutes every morning or evening, writing down 3 (or 5, or 10, or 20!) things that you are happy about or grateful for, today. When you’re feeling bad about yourself and your situation, this is hard. But force yourself. 3 things to be happy about. Do you have a warm comfortable bed, hot running water, potential for a cup of tea any time you like? There we go. Remind yourself of this. I still do this. I find that the worse I’m feeling, the more things I need to find to be grateful about. I’ll set myself a target of 20. And this can be really small things. I walked in the sun today. I had a delicious breakfast. A random old lady smiled at me in the street. Whatever. You’re training yourself to think more positively, even just starting with 5-10 minutes a day.

Take Action!

Why not try incorporate some of these ideas, bit by bit, and see if they help? Take action, however small. Find something to read, listen to, or someone to talk to, to broaden your view of what is out there for you. Start to think positively. I developed all of the above over a period of time, and they really worked for me and continue to help me in moving forward when I’m feeling stuck or unsure about something. Good luck!

Please share with someone you think might benefit from reading this.

If you’d like my help, book in a coaching session with me here: Contact Me