Posted on

It’s ok to want something different

Your confidence can be really knocked if you work for a manager or a team that just don’t quite click with you. You start to question yourself. Why don’t you want to laugh along with them, why don’t you want to hang out with them at lunchtime? Why do you not get their in-jokes, why don’t you want to spend time with them out of work? Why do you want something different?

I worked for a boss who had a very different view to me on how to work and what are acceptable working hours. She thought it was perfectly reasonable to work all hours, and even to take your work on holiday. 

One time she had a big birthday that she celebrated with her sister abroad and they’d gone out to do something special, a boat trip down a river. In the middle of it all she took a call about some big deal she’d been working on and won.

The last thing I’d want to do on my birthday or when I’m on holiday is check work emails or take calls or think about work! Fair enough it was a big deal. But it just reminded me how little I was invested in the work, and how different our values seemed.

Square peg in a round hole

Another time I went for a drink with a couple of colleagues. They started talking about and comparing their Rolexes. I remember wondering what on earth I was doing there with them. What we found interesting, and important, seemed so different. 

It’s easy to feel like you’re the one that doesn’t fit in, you’re the square peg in the round hole. 

When working for this company, for my lunch break I’d always rush off at 1pm on the dot. I’d head to the nearest bookshop or walk around, then eat my lunch at my desk. I didn’t really want to interact that much. I didn’t want to go to lunch with colleagues or stroll around the shops together.

Now, I realise I’m a bit of an introvert. So looking back, working in a busy, open plan office with phones constantly ringing, I needed time to be on my own, to recalibrate, breathe, think, digest. 

But I felt like a bit of a weirdo, always sneaking off on my own. In my memory, I pretty much sprinted to the door every lunchtime! I was desperate to move, to get out, to feel free.

The same with after work drinks. The last thing I wanted was to hang out more with the people I’d spent all day with, as nice as most of them were (and some of them were friends). The thought of carrying on, drinking warm wine in some so-so bar, making small talk, it wasn’t for me. I didn’t have the energy.

Something different

So when I left that job and searched out a new one, I was looking for something different. This meant looking for like-minded people who had a similar outlook to me. Finding work that meant something to me. I didn’t want to be working in a big, busy, open-plan office. Where you felt judged if you weren’t at your desk at 9am, if you left on the dot at 5pm and didn’t stay late, and if you took your lunch break at any time other than between 1pm and 2pm. 

I wanted freedom and meaning.

I ended up working for a company where we all work remotely. We’re doing good work, helping children struggling with their reading. I’m genuinely interested in what my colleagues have to say about all sorts.

I still work 9-5 but I take my lunch when I want to. I go for a walk round the block or have a break when I want to. There’s no judgement when we all say a virtual bye at 5pm. I work from home or I work from a coworking space. Or when I’m back visiting my parents, from their study. It can change depending on my mood or energy levels, or what I’ve got to get done.

I can be around people when I want to, be on my own when I want to, and just get my head down and do the work. Then I’ll coach for a couple of hours after work, or first thing in the morning before work. I’ve found a way of working that suits me much better.

What do you want to change?

If what you’ve just read resonates, have a think about what your ideal working environment would be. What works for you? What would you change if you could? 

Currently, during the covid pandemic, a lot of us have time to gain perspective on our work situation, and see more clearly what is or isn’t working. Many people are trying out working remotely, from home. And some are realising that it suits them really well, they are far more productive and love not having to commute. They have more time to spend with family. 

Perhaps they are realising that this way of working (ideally without a backdrop of fear, uncertainty and doom) is something they’d like to pursue. Or at least, have the option to do so a few times a week.

Others are realising that there could be something more fulfilling out there, something that lights them up, something they’d be proud to be working on. Something different.

This could be a good opportunity to really explore – journal, read, start to build a more precise picture of what you want.

It’s definitely a time of change, in so many ways. Hopefully a large part can be really positive, including relooking at how we are working and what we want from life, and making changes accordingly.

If you’d like to try a coaching session with me, send me a message on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com for more info and details.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash

Posted on

Impress yourself with how slow you can be

This week I was introduced to a poem. It was a reminder to slow down, and it felt like a massive hug:

In the bleak and uncertainty, in the mundane and in the worry, in the misplacing of days and the miscommunication of rules, in the pasta for breakfast and in the cereal for tea, be soft and be gentle, let yourself impress yourself with how slow you can be. – Charly Cox

I love any excuse to be reminded to just sit quietly, read, have a cup of tea. Do things slowly. Isn’t it amazing that we need a reminder?

And even more important perhaps, a reminder to be gentle with ourselves.

How often do we actually do what’s best for us rather than what we think we should be doing? Do we ever listen to our intuition? 

Show mercy

Coincidentally the same morning I listened to an interview with the writer Elizabeth Gilbert. Her message was pretty similar, that you have to be able to be nice to yourself before you’re able to have compassion for the rest of the world. Show yourself mercy. We’re so relentless and merciless on ourselves. We beat ourselves up.

And we should listen to our intuition. As she points out, your body knows what you need, but we’ve got used to listening to our rational minds over our bodies. We think we should do this, we tell ourselves we have to do that, so we do it. Then we maybe regret it, because we weren’t listening to what we truly needed. 

I think it’s something we could all practice more. It’s not always easy. But maybe we can just aim to sneak a bit of intuitive thinking in?

Sometimes it’s as simple as listening to our bodies and having a rest when we’re tired. An actual rest, not just scrolling through whatever online for a hit. A real ‘I need to lie down and close my eyes for a moment’ proper rest.

I did this the other evening. When I finished work my eyes were tired from staring at a screen all day. What I really wanted was to just lie down and close my eyes for a bit. Which I did, and nearly fell asleep.

Then I felt I had the energy to lie on the sofa and watch a bit of tv. Which I did and it felt so good, with not a scrap of guilt that I could be doing something more productive. I felt refreshed afterwards and took myself off to start cooking.

So simple, so obvious, but so often we push ourselves to do the more ‘noble’ thing, the more sensible thing, the more productive thing. But, particularly during this period of the pandemic, I do think the best thing we can do for ourselves is be kind, be gentle, be slow.

If you’d like to have a life coaching session with me, sign up here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one. 

Photo by Alexandre Chambon on Unsplash

Posted on

An ode to podcasts

Boy have I missed listening to podcasts.

For a long, long time now I’ve been obsessed with listening to podcasts while walking along. Any trip outside, any excuse, in go the headphones and off I go.

I haven’t been able to do it recently due to the lockdown, and I’ve felt it. I’ll sometimes listen whilst cooking or getting ready for bed, but prime podcast listening time is when pounding the streets. Listening to podcasts at home just isn’t the same – you can’t get into the flow in the same way.

We’ve been living under a strict lockdown here in Spain. But, as from the past weekend, we’re now allowed out for walks and exercise during specific hours. Finally, finally, I can delve into the pile of podcast episodes I’ve had clogging up my phone.

And I realise just how much I’ve missed the simple activity of walking along wherever I want, for however long, listening to a podcast.

Mood booster

It is such a simple, free, absolute joy. It makes me feel so good. I’m entertained, moved, informed, inspired. I walk along chuckling to myself, making a mental note to look something up when I get back home. Or I feel inspired, having discovered something about the world or about myself, my response and feelings.

I pick episodes depending on my mood – do I want light and funny? Something informative about health and lifestyle? Do I want to submerge myself into something deep and moving?

It’s such an important part of my routine. Something magical happens as I start walking and listening.  I feel better physically and mentally.

And actually, I think it’s the mental part that I notice the most. There’s something about twinning movement with the listening experience. I guess it’s the same as dancing to music, feeling the beat. I feel lighter, happier. My mood lifts with every step.

This pandemic is likely to teach as all a thing or two, some deep dark truths, some lighter realisations. One thing it’s done is allow me to rediscover a great joy, and a very literal feeling of freedom.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Malte Wingen on Unsplash

Posted on

What to write?

I’ve really struggled with posting about my coaching work on social media these past few weeks. It’s something I need to do – it’s how new clients find me. They read my posts, something resonates, they find out a bit about me and how I’ve helped my clients, and then get in touch. Seems quite straightforward. 

But – it’s not. I’m not a natural social media sharer. Sharing interesting stuff with friends and family, privately, – easy. I do that a lot, when I’m enthused about something I want to share it with people who I think will also love it. 

But writing about myself and my work, publicly? That’s different. It’s putting the focus on me.

Career change – what, now?

I work with people who want to change career. Typically they’ve wanted to change for a while but feel stuck and scared. They know they’re not happy with what they are doing, but they’re not sure what they really want to be doing. Or – they’re too scared to go for it. 

Right now this somehow seems a tricky thing to write about and put out there. So many people are losing jobs, or scared of losing their job, or are being furloughed, or struggling to find work. It’s a really difficult time for all of us really. 

It seems insensitive or inappropriate to talk about having the choice to leave a job and find a new one. What luxury, what freedom to even be able to consider it. 

The thing is, I know people are still changing jobs, changing career, getting promoted. One of my clients did just that last week, she had an interview and got the job. It is going on, of course it is, things haven’t completely ground to a halt. 

There’s been a shift

But, I have to acknowledge that things aren’t the same as before, and be sensitive to that.

So although I’m struggling with what to say, I suppose the main thing is to share positive stories. That’s what I’m looking out for myself. Remind people that good stuff happens. People go through a difficult time, and they get through it.  Things change, often for the better. Right now what people most need to hear, in my opinion, is stories of hope and happiness. 

So that’s what I’ll focus on. 

If you’d like to have a life coaching session with me, sign up here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Posted on

Start already

Ever have those days when you want to make something happen – write something, start a creative project, start a job search, but you’re paralysed? You just can’t get started? You’re unsure, lacking confidence, you just don’t know where to start?

I heard something recently which helps put these feelings into perspective. It’s a reminder that anyone out there that’s ever created something you’ve admired, had to start somewhere. And most likely they felt as nervous and unsure and lacking in confidence as you do now.

Imagine the day when this creative person started that one thing you so admire. A film, a book, a painting, a tv show. That very first day when they sat down with a notebook or laptop. Imagine how they were feeling? 

Bursting with energy, enthusiasm, confidence, bright ideas? Maybe. But perhaps they also felt unsure, nervous, unprepared, out of their depth. Maybe this was one attempt following many ‘failed’ attempts before. Perhaps this was totally new to them, a leap from their normal day-to-day work. It’s possible they felt as insecure and scared as you do.

It could be that there were a million other things they could be doing – leaving this idea for another day, when they felt more ‘ready’.

And if you had the opportunity to go back in time and speak to them, chances are you’d urge them to do the work. 

If they hadn’t prioritised their work, it wouldn’t have got done. And you wouldn’t have had the chance to be moved, inspired, or delighted by it.

The point of this is – prioritise your creative stuff. That thing you have a real yearning to do, or really need to do, but you don’t feel ready? Just start. Make it important, make it a priority, dedicate time to it, even just a little bit every day. Everyone has doubts when they start. But it’s the only way stuff gets done.

If you’d like to have a life coaching session with me, sign up here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one. 

Photo by serjan midili on Unsplash