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Being the good girl vs. risk taking

I’ve always been the good girl. At school I was the perfect student, never getting into any trouble. I think I got told off for talking just the once, and that was because a friend had asked me something. That’s it. That’s as bad as it gets. No acting up, no risk taking.

I didn’t have a rebellious streak. As a typical moody adolescent the worst that happened was me coming home later than expected – from my best friend’s house down the road. All very innocent. I think that happened just the once. Really. 

School, university, early jobs, I always did what was expected, completed things on time, got on with everyone. I was reliable, studious, I did what I was told. 

Choose yourself

As I’ve gotten older I’ve developed more of a rebellious streak. I think it started with leaving a job I’d had for 10 years. After years of doing my best, complying to the job, fitting myself in, I’d had enough. Of being the perfect employee, moving up the ranks, playing the game, working in an environment that didn’t suit me. 

I know how it feels to feel trapped, like an imposter, frustrated with yourself and with your life. Doing a job you once loved, and that now just doesn’t feel good.    

I now know what it takes to choose yourself, to let out your rebellious side. To take risks. To go with your heart.

Take a risk

At one point during my years of moaning about wanting to leave that job, my cousin said to me,  “just leave”. What?! Impossible. You can’t just leave a job like that. And I don’t know what I really want to do! Where would I go? 

But she was right. It’s a choice to stay stuck in a job you hate. It’s a choice. You can stay or you can go. The easy option is to stay, as much as you dislike it, because it’s what you know. It’s familiar. Those feelings of frustration and powerlessness become normal. Despairing at your life – happens every day.

However, to make that choice, and choose yourself and what you really want to do? Now that’s an amazing feeling. To decide what’s best for you, and you only. To finally bring out your rebellious side, and go against the norm. 

Yes have a back up. Make sure you have savings. Have a plan B. Maybe don’t quit your job without having another lined up like I did. But do realise that you can take a risk.

It’s exciting – life – it’s a game. You don’t have to do what’s expected of you.

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If you’d like to have a coaching session with me, I’ve recently launched 1-hour Get Unstuck! calls. Designed to get you taking action straight away. And breaking through whatever’s stopping you from getting where you want to be. Email me at joaopoku@gmail.com to arrange.

Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash

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When one big decision leads to the next

 

I listened to a podcast the other day (Mary Portas’s ‘Work Like a Woman’, interviewing Elizabeth Day) where at one point they talked about how making a decision and taking a big risk can lead to realising your own strength, growing resilience and therefore being more willing to take more risks.

The conversation resonated with me. It’s so true.

It took a huge amount of nerve to leave my corporate job a few years back. I seemed to be going against common knowledge or advice, leaving a good, well paid job, with plenty of benefits like swanky lunches with clients and insider invites to fashion sales.

But I went with my gut, did what I knew was right for me, and left.

It was a big risk. I spent the next few months veering between terror and liberation. One minute nervous about money and what I’d do next. The next super excited at being able to choose the direction I wanted my life to move in.

I was consciously deciding to take control. That felt amazing, like a superpower. I realised I could actually make decisions for myself, about my life, rather than just go along some conveyor belt of ‘what you’re supposed to do’. It was a revelation.

And it was a feeling I didn’t forget. After a few months of taking on a new job which I loved and which allowed me to work remotely, I realised I still felt unsettled. There was a nagging feeling that something didn’t feel right.

That was when I acknowledged the secret desire I’d been keeping pushed down for years, that I wanted to live abroad again.

I saw my opportunity. I was working from wherever I wanted, home, my parents’ house, a cafe…surely I could do the same job from another country, as long as I had wifi and could travel back from time to time?

It was a really scary thought – leaving my flat, my family and friends, my city, my routine…for the unknown. But deep down I knew that I wanted it. And as I’d already recently made one big scary life changing decision, I just knew that I could do it again, and do it successfully.

Because I’d survived the unknown before. I’d prepared myself sufficiently and it had worked out really well. Again I prepared myself for the worst that could happen. The worst would be that it all went terribly wrong in Spain, and I’d come back to the UK and live with my parents until I sorted myself out again.

Way back when I was thinking about leaving my previous job, I’d started on a journey of designing the kind of life I wanted to live. I knew that sometimes you have to follow your heart, follow the excitement, be prepared for risks and discomfort. This was the next step. And I was flexing my big decision making muscle once again.

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Got a big decision to make? What next small step can you take to help make that decision? Is it writing a list? Talking to someone? Doing some research?

If you need help in planning your next steps in making a big life changing decision (or in making less dramatic, more low-key changes) contact me for some coaching sessions. Email me at joaopoku@gmail.com. I would love to help.

Photo by Lubo Minar on Unsplash