This week I did something that scared me a little bit. I signed up to an event called Nobody’s Watching. It’s a dance challenge: you dance to three songs each morning, for a period of 3 weeks, with a group of people on Zoom.
A friend, the founder of the event, posted about it on LinkedIn. It sounded like a brilliant concept and I wanted to support her, so signed up on the spot. With literally 5 minutes to go before the 7.45am start.
It was also an impulse to try something new. This past year has all been about the same routine, same four walls, we’ve had very few new or exciting experiences. I felt like this would wake me up.
Through the first song I was nervous, awkward, and didn’t know what to do. I’ve never been comfortable dancing in front of other people – and the thought of dancing on camera was pretty daunting. But at the second song I started loosening up. I realised everyone was just doing their own thing, and really no one was watching. It didn’t matter what I did. Toe tapping, awkwardly swaying my arms, getting into it in my own way. The main thing was to feel the music, sing along and enjoy moving.
I felt quite moved during that attempt, choked up, about to cry. And I have done the past few days too. I guess dancing is a release. I realised on that day that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d danced, even just dancing around my flat. Months ago. And dancing is one of the best things you can do to feel good.
Throughout that first day I was quite dreading having to do it again the next day. But the next morning I woke up and was actually quite looking forward to it! I was curious as to what songs would be selected, how would I feel? Would I feel awkward again, would I get into it more? Would she play songs I know?
There’s something lovely about having a bunch of strangers coming together to have fun, each in their own little bubble, but sharing a moment. I feel touched seeing everyone bopping away in their front rooms. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, something that scares you a little.
I offer career change coaching – get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.
There’s a podcaster I admire. He has a massively successful podcast with his wife, called Notes in Spanish, helping people to learn Spanish. I first discovered them years ago, when I started learning Spanish at an adult education centre. I was set to take a GSCE in Spanish and needed all the help I could get.
They made learning Spanish so fun, listening to Spanish Marina quietly correcting English Ben. Their focus is very much on going for it, making mistakes, enjoying the process. You got an insight into their life, their views and beliefs, and life in Madrid.
It turns out Ben’s written a book on how to start up an online business. He talks through how they grew a chance experiment – trying out creating a 10 minute podcast for the fun of it – into an online business where they could both quit their ‘real’ jobs and pay off their mortgage super quick.
Dream big
What I loved about reading the book was the way it inspired me. Ben’s quite a straightforward, slightly cynical guy, very down to earth. And in this book he talks about all the business self-help books he read to help him in growing the business, guided by ‘Gurus’ as he puts it. He talks about the importance of dreaming big, writing down your goals.
How a random goal you had a few years ago, his was (and I paraphrase massively) ‘I want to work fewer hours, spend more time with my family, do my own thing’, can come true.
I love it because I didn’t really expect him to quote Tim Ferriss or Tony Robbins, massive superstars in the entrepreneurial start-up/self-help/let’s maximise productivity world. Yet here he is, with his own particular self-help theory of saying ‘why not?’ whenever faced with doing something you don’t know how to do, but that interests you.
His enthusiasm and passion for finding something you are interested in and enjoy, and putting loads of time and hard work into it, learning loads along the way, is massively inspiring.
It made me think hard about what I want. And reminded me to just get on and do things. Stop procrastinating and thinking of reasons why not and just make stuff happen. As I always say, one tiny step at a time, which is exactly what he and Marina did.
I can’t emphasise enough how important I think it is to find people that inspire you. Read about them, or listen to them speak, or speak to them if that’s possible. There’s a reason they inspire you, there’s a spark there that you relate to. And there’s nothing like that burst of energy you get from someone making you think that maybe you too can dive into something exciting.
If you’d like to book a career change coaching session with me, contact me via LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.
I was inspired the other day listening to the author Bernadine Evaristo chatting on the podcast How to Fail with Elizabeth Day. She’s led such an interesting, inspiring life. Her attitude is that a failure isn’t really a failure, as each one teaches you something and moves you forwards.
It got me to thinking about failures I’ve had, and what I’ve taken from them. Is there really something to learn from every single one of them?
Two failures that spring to mind which definitely changed my trajectory were failing a business French module at university, and the failure to get a diploma in translation many years after having left university.
Failed at…Business French
I failed business French because I DID NOT HAVE A CLUE what it was all about. The lectures passed by in a blur of boredom. This was the final term of my second year of studies, and my French wasn’t far past A-level.
I was always pretty good at French at school, but not great. I’d never studied anything to do with business, so even if I had understood a word the lecturers were saying, it would have gone totally over my head.
No surprises then that I have vague recollection of seeing the exam paper and just thinking ‘what the…’. I’ve always been good in exam situations, one of those people that quite enjoys them. But I’d never experienced anything like this. Zero comprehension. So the end result was a big fat fail.
Which meant that in my fourth and final year of studies, having spent the third year living in France and (ahem) perfecting my French, I had to add on an extra module to make up for this failure. Thanks second year me.
But actually, yes, thanks second year me. Because one of the options I had was to learn a new language, completing a beginners course. I chose Spanish – a language lots of girls at my school had chosen over German because it was considered ‘easy’ – I’d chosen German probably because that’s what my older sister had studied and I mainly copied her.
I figured Spanish would be a nice easy option, the fact that I spoke French and Italian would surely help. And I was right. It was super easy. All I really remember taking from that one module was being able to say ‘in the morning I get up at 9 o’clock. I passed with flying colours. Who needs business French when you can learn beginner’s Spanish?
So failure number 1 = a success. It resulted in a decent degree and (basic) knowledge of a brand new language.
Failed at…Diploma in Translation
Fast forward around 5 years. I had spent two years after university living in Paris, finally perfecting that French…then returned to London, working for an international magazine company.
At first I’d enjoyed my job, but after a while felt something was missing. I’d always thought working as a translator would be a fantastic job, so I decided to do a diploma in French to English translation. Maybe it would result in a career move, if nothing else I’d get to study more of my beloved French and get really, really good.
Once a week I’d attend a 2-hour class after work – submitting translations on all sorts of topics and then going through them together. It was brutal – ‘good enough’ didn’t really cut it. You had to really really understand the French to convey the meaning correctly, and sometimes it just seemed impossible.
However, I was confident. I enjoyed the classes and thought that working hard might be enough. The course leader warned us that the exam was extremely tough, that the pass rate was minuscule (30% maybe?), and gave us the pricing for retaking it a year later.
Well – no big surprise, I failed. It was disappointing, there’s always the hope you’ll be one of the lucky ones. But, I’d always known failure was likely, and therefore considered retaking in a year’s time.
I remember speaking to my parents about it, about the expense and whether or not it was worth it. And my Dad said to me, ‘what about concentrating on learning another language instead, what about your Spanish?’
Reader, my Dad’s a clever man.
Funnily enough, this all tied in with the break-up of a short-lived relationship with an illustrator I quite liked, who boasted that he’d learned Spanish at a local adult education centre for free, and that he could rap Do The Bartman in Spanish. I’d always been jealous, not of the rap, but of the fact he’d learned enough Spanish to impress someone with.
And I’ve always thought the best thing to do after a break-up is to throw yourself into making yourself even more fabulous, that’ll show him (even if you know you’ll never see him again).
So the thought of improving my Spanish, in maybe getting really good, as good as my French, was a very appealing idea. And I’m a bit of a swot, I love studying. Nothing much makes me happier than going to an adult education class.
Didn’t fail…GCSE Spanish
So I signed up for a course in GCSE Spanish at an adult education centre in Holborn. I loved it. The first lesson I wondered what the hell I was doing. Our lovely teacher was Venezuelan with a strong accent, and I don’t think I understood one thing she said. From all the nervous tittering from my classmates, I knew we were in the same boat.
Over time we started to understand her, and improve. By the end of the course not only had I had a fling with a bad boy French dude, but I’d got an A* in GCSE Spanish.
So there we go, two failures, which resulted in me obtaining a GCSE in Spanish, and very mediocre fluency. Is this really a success story, you might well ask?
Well – fast forward maybe 10 more years, and here I am living in Valencia. I finally left the magazine company, did some translation work on the side anyway (take that, failed diploma). I got a new job working remotely, started up a coaching business, and moved to Valencia. I’d always wanted to live abroad again after Paris, and something magical drew me to Valencia. My Spanish is in no way perfect, but it’s getting pretty fluent.
Failing a business French module and a diploma in translation are of course, small pieces in a bigger overall puzzle of how things have turned out. But no doubt, the opportunity to learn Spanish played a part in shaping my decisions and future. And that’s something I’m grateful for.
If you’d like to try a coaching session with me, send me a message on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com for more info and details.
For a long, long time now I’ve been obsessed with listening to podcasts while walking along. Any trip outside, any excuse, in go the headphones and off I go.
I haven’t been able to do it recently due to the lockdown, and I’ve felt it. I’ll sometimes listen whilst cooking or getting ready for bed, but prime podcast listening time is when pounding the streets. Listening to podcasts at home just isn’t the same – you can’t get into the flow in the same way.
We’ve been living under a strict lockdown here in Spain. But, as from the past weekend, we’re now allowed out for walks and exercise during specific hours. Finally, finally, I can delve into the pile of podcast episodes I’ve had clogging up my phone.
And I realise just how much I’ve missed the simple activity of walking along wherever I want, for however long, listening to a podcast.
Mood booster
It is such a simple, free, absolute joy. It makes me feel so good. I’m entertained, moved, informed, inspired. I walk along chuckling to myself, making a mental note to look something up when I get back home. Or I feel inspired, having discovered something about the world or about myself, my response and feelings.
I pick episodes depending on my mood – do I want light and funny? Something informative about health and lifestyle? Do I want to submerge myself into something deep and moving?
It’s such an important part of my routine. Something magical happens as I start walking and listening. I feel better physically and mentally.
And actually, I think it’s the mental part that I notice the most. There’s something about twinning movement with the listening experience. I guess it’s the same as dancing to music, feeling the beat. I feel lighter, happier. My mood lifts with every step.
This pandemic is likely to teach as all a thing or two, some deep dark truths, some lighter realisations. One thing it’s done is allow me to rediscover a great joy, and a very literal feeling of freedom.
Smiling at strangers. It’s sometimes used as an initiation exercise to practise getting out of your comfort zone.
Walking along, randomly smiling at strangers. Potentially looking like a bit of a weirdo.
It’s the first step in doing something that might make you feel uncomfortable, nervous, out of your depth.
Getting out of your comfort zone
It’s widely considered that ‘getting out of your comfort zone’ is one of the best ways to grow as a person.
If you keep on doing what you know, things that are easy and feel safe and certain, then you aren’t taking risks, and opening yourself up to new experiences. Therefore, you’re not going to do much growing.
You aren’t building your confidence by succeeding in doing things you’ve never done before, or never dreamed you could do.
You aren’t proactively looking to change yourself for the better.
It’s daunting and cringey
Back to smiling at strangers. Some people would really struggle with it, and would find it daunting and cringey. Why would you smile at a stranger? Won’t they think I’m a bit mad? Or want something from them? Or – shock horror – about to talk to them?! Even worse, what if they then strike up a conversation?
Have a focus
It’s really hard to force yourself to do something you don’t particularly want to do. But – if you can see the benefit, and where this action might lead you, it makes it easier. You now have a focus.
You’re not just doing it for the sake of it, you’re doing it because you know you need to change. You need to shake things up a bit. You can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing, as you’re not happy with the result.
It could be that long-term you want to be better at networking. Maybe you wish you didn’t care so much what other people think.
Stand-up comedy?
I find smiling at strangers easy, I do it all the time. I’m a smiley person. But for me, being out of my comfort zone looks like public speaking, live TV, performing. Stand-up comedy? Not in a million years.
I actually have no desire to be on TV or perform. But I’d like to not have that irrational fear of public speaking, the few times I need to do it. And I’d like to care less what other people think.
So – I sometimes have to present to groups of people, which pushes me back out of my comfort zone. I regularly give webinars, which sometimes still makes me anxious.
Caring less what others think
And I’m currently more active on social media, (well, LinkedIn), and experimenting with writing posts and video. Partly as a way to connect with more people about my coaching business and the things that are important to me. Partly as a way to care less what others think, to worry less about expressing my own opinion in public.
How about you? What do you find tricky that you know will help you long-term if you can get more comfortable doing it? What would be pushing you out of your comfort zone?
If you’d like to try coaching with me, contact me at joaopoku@gmail.com or here on LinkedIn.
