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Get out of your own way

Talking to a new client this week I realised that she has clearly spent time thinking about her career change. She has all sorts of ideas about what she really wants to do. But she’s procrastinating.

We uncovered that she had a list of possible roles that interest her and that she’d like to explore.

There’s even a course that interests her – although she’s twice skipped getting started. 

She’s quite clear on what she doesn’t want, 1) to stay working for her company, and 2) a role where she spends the majority of her time writing. 

A company where personal growth and learning is encouraged, and important, is much more appealing. She’s clearly curious and keen to learn and at the moment that is being ignored. So a company where learning is one of the values seems like a good fit. 

She’d also like to earn more money and feels quite undervalued in what she does.

So why hasn’t she yet made the next step – when she pretty much knows what she wants?

Mainly fear. 

What’s stopping her from finding and applying for new roles? Perhaps a sense that her current role is so specific that other companies won’t be able to see her other skills and attributes. 

Maybe she sees the specifications and tells herself she’s not qualified/experienced/able enough. Although – recruitment experts suggest applying for a role if you can meet only 70% of the requirements. If you’re a good fit you can learn the rest. 

Why hasn’t she gone ahead with the course? She admitted that she didn’t feel creative enough. So she’s put a barrier in her way, perhaps feeling inadequate or worried she won’t enjoy the course.

Luckily we came up with a couple of solutions to this – speaking to acquaintances who work in the industry and getting their take on her fears around creativity. And speaking to the course provider and learning a bit more about the reality of what the course entails.  

This is quite common with clients. Although they feel stuck at work and frustrated and despairing – in fact they have a pretty clear idea of alternatives that would make them happier. But they are procrastinating, based on fear, which is totally understandable. Change and putting yourself out there can be scary – you can’t predict the outcome.

You might be setting yourself up for rejection, feeling uncomfortable, failure. 

But the thing is  – staying stuck is not a good feeling. Feelings of frustration. Getting angry at yourself for letting yourself stay in the current situation. That negative voice in our heads can be so harsh. 

The thing about going through rejection, feeling uncomfortable, potential failure – is that you always come out the other side, and you always learn something. Even if you learn that you should trust your instincts more. That no, that company doesn’t hold the same values as you. Or that yes, you should have swotted up more on the company’s vision. Yes, that role definitely isn’t for you. 

With all this you’re moving forward, learning, gaining momentum, getting closer to what you want. You’re narrowing it down, practising for when it really matters. 

Only you can change your situation, really. You have to find a way to take action and stop procrastinating. Whether it’s getting a friend to be your ally and spur you on, speaking to a coach, getting help from a mentor. Find a way to feel supported – and do what you have to do. You already know what you have to do – you just have to get past yourself and start, step by step.

I offer career change coaching. You can book a session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Donald Giannatti on Unsplash

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What to do when your dream career seems inaccessible

Clients who are stuck in their careers will often be adamant that they don’t know what they want to do with their life.

They’re scared to voice their dreams. I have no idea. I’m lost. Nothing interests me. I’ve had such bad luck, such bad experiences. Nothing appeals. More times than not they do have a secret fantasy dream career, but it seems inaccessible to them.

They know for sure that they are not happy where they are, in their current situation. But they’re scared to delve much deeper than that.

And then, as I keep unpeeling the layers, there’s always a throwaway remark along the lines of, “well I’ve always been obsessed with fashion, but…”.

Or, “my absolute dream would be to work with children who’ve been kicked out of school but….”

Or, “ideally I’d love to go back to Australia and work on a retreat where people go to recuperate but…”.

An inaccessible dream

They tell themselves that their dream is unrealistic, that it will be a struggle to get there. It’s out of their reach.

They decide that for now they just need to find a job that’s ok…then if they work hard enough somehow they might get to the dream place. They feel that they’d need to earn it. To have more experience, more luck, better skills. In fact, to have a totally different life.

And they tend to think that such jobs are for other people, not them. 

The fact that they see other people out there doing the job isn’t enough to encourage them to go for it. They see it as a deterrent – these people must be so skilled and so talented and must have a zillion skills that they don’t have. 

Break it down to make it achievable

The reality is that this job probably isn’t perfect and probably won’t satisfy every desire they might have. But, if on the whole it fits in with their values, suits their way of working, and makes good use of their skills, then that’s pretty great.

If they can break it down in this way, they can start to see it as something which is achievable. 

How can they gain any missing skills? Do they need to retrain, and accept that they may need to save up for it, and it may take time? How can they start to get a bit of experience in the area? Would trying out a similar role be possible? Job shadowing? Can they speak to a few people doing a similar role and find out a bit more about their reality? 

Maybe they can pull it down a little from this pedestal in the sky, and build a more 3D picture. What’s actually stopping them? Is there something concrete they can work on, or do they need to face some invisible obstacles usually known as fear, lack of confidence, procrastination?

Making it a reality

I had a client who dreamed of living in Paris, working with underprivileged kids, of being able to work flexibly and sometimes from home. When we started talking she was working 9-5 in an office in London. Now, she’s living her dream. And it’s not perfect. But it’s way more in line with what she wanted from her life.

Another client dreamed of working as an entrepreneur, writing, consulting. He was working for a very traditional institution. Now, he has his own travel consultancy website and writes a blog on business innovation. 

They both started off feeling that their dream career seemed inaccessible. Then by progressing along step-by-step they started to see that if you pinpoint what you want, and explore along the way – talking to this person, applying for that, discovering something else – gradually you can reach a place you’ve only dreamed of.

If you’d like to work with me on some coaching sessions, find me on LinkedIn and send me a message, or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Kenny Luo on Unsplash

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Is this the right time for a career change? Dealing with uncertainty.

At the moment there is a lot of fear and uncertainty around the coronavirus and how it will affect us all. Lots of people are worried about their jobs, paying mortgages and bills, home schooling, older parents and family.

If you’ve already started considering a career change, you might wonder if now is really the time. There’s too much uncertainty. Surely no one is hiring or interviewing, the economy is taking a big hit, isn’t this a pointless task?

I watched an interesting video on dealing with career change during a difficult time, with so much uncertainty. The host made a really important point that stood out to me – “now is the time to channel fearful energy into proactive energy”.

Here’s how.

I talk a lot about a few different things that really helped me with my career change. Amongst them are reading inspiring and practical books, blogs, and interviews around career change. About interesting people and how they life their lives. And also listening to podcasts, around the same subjects.

But time is quite often an issue with career change. We feel as though we’re too busy to think about something so big. We don’t have the headspace to really explore by reading widely and looking for inspiration, and writing down our dreams and thoughts.

Well now, a lot of us are working from home and not commuting. Or staying in in the evenings and weekends rather than carrying on with our busy social lives. So it’s a great opportunity to make use of the extra time. And channel that fearful energy into proactive energy.

For once, we have time.

Career change requires a lot of thinking time, exploring what you really want from your career right now. Maybe your ideas or values have changed in the past few years. Maybe you’ve started on a trajectory that really isn’t right for you any more. It’s time to get clear on what your next move will be, whenever the time’s right. 

Use books, online activities, talks, articles and blogposts to find some of your answers. Work out what inspires you, what kind of lifestyle you want to lead, how do you want to spend your time? Who is out there doing things that interest you, or is someone that you admire? How did they do it? What is their life philosophy? What can you learn?

It’s also a great opportunity to do online courses and learn something new. It could be something that could help you in your next job, new skills or a new awareness of an industry. It could simply be learning something that interests you and makes you happy. There are lots of free or inexpensive courses out there – many hosted by well-known, inspiring people.

Staying stuck is the worst – whatever is going on in the world. Taking action, in whatever small way, really helps. Channel that fearful energy into something productive.

And if you’d have a life coaching session with me, sign up here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Caleb George on Unsplash

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Being the good girl vs. risk taking

I’ve always been the good girl. At school I was the perfect student, never getting into any trouble. I think I got told off for talking just the once, and that was because a friend had asked me something. That’s it. That’s as bad as it gets. No acting up, no risk taking.

I didn’t have a rebellious streak. As a typical moody adolescent the worst that happened was me coming home later than expected – from my best friend’s house down the road. All very innocent. I think that happened just the once. Really. 

School, university, early jobs, I always did what was expected, completed things on time, got on with everyone. I was reliable, studious, I did what I was told. 

Choose yourself

As I’ve gotten older I’ve developed more of a rebellious streak. I think it started with leaving a job I’d had for 10 years. After years of doing my best, complying to the job, fitting myself in, I’d had enough. Of being the perfect employee, moving up the ranks, playing the game, working in an environment that didn’t suit me. 

I know how it feels to feel trapped, like an imposter, frustrated with yourself and with your life. Doing a job you once loved, and that now just doesn’t feel good.    

I now know what it takes to choose yourself, to let out your rebellious side. To take risks. To go with your heart.

Take a risk

At one point during my years of moaning about wanting to leave that job, my cousin said to me,  “just leave”. What?! Impossible. You can’t just leave a job like that. And I don’t know what I really want to do! Where would I go? 

But she was right. It’s a choice to stay stuck in a job you hate. It’s a choice. You can stay or you can go. The easy option is to stay, as much as you dislike it, because it’s what you know. It’s familiar. Those feelings of frustration and powerlessness become normal. Despairing at your life – happens every day.

However, to make that choice, and choose yourself and what you really want to do? Now that’s an amazing feeling. To decide what’s best for you, and you only. To finally bring out your rebellious side, and go against the norm. 

Yes have a back up. Make sure you have savings. Have a plan B. Maybe don’t quit your job without having another lined up like I did. But do realise that you can take a risk.

It’s exciting – life – it’s a game. You don’t have to do what’s expected of you.

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If you’d like to have a coaching session with me, I’ve recently launched 1-hour Get Unstuck! calls. Designed to get you taking action straight away. And breaking through whatever’s stopping you from getting where you want to be. Email me at joaopoku@gmail.com to arrange.

Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash

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Why talk to a Life Coach?

Today I am speaking to a life coach, and I’m so happy. Because I need it. Even though I’m a coach myself, and work with other people to uncover what they want to change or improve in their lives, it can still be hard to work on this stuff for myself.

We’ve all got our own ideas about what we can and can’t do. I’ve got my own fears and worries that stop me from doing certain things and hold me back.

It’s so good to talk to someone who doesn’t know you very well, who doesn’t know your past, who doesn’t know your personality. Someone who doesn’t base their views on the 8 year-old you, or the 24 year-old you, or the you from two years ago.

They can listen to you afresh, and objectively. They will dig deep into what you are saying or not saying. You might mention something quite flippantly – but they’ll catch on to it, and ask what you really mean. Why do you say that? Why is that an issue? Is there something deeper going on there?

We don’t stay the same

Sometimes we have age-old beliefs that we’ve held on to over the years. Such as: I’m shy, or I hate public speaking or I don’t like change. We felt like this 10, 20 years ago – it’s become a part of who we are. But the truth is, over the years we can change without realising it.

Maybe you were a shy teenager. But now you’re actually a considered, reserved, soft-speaking person who is quietly confident? Shy’s not really an accurate description.

Perhaps you still hate the idea of public speaking, but you have a lot of experience presenting to small groups of people, and you do it well. It’s not this big thing that should be holding you back.

Am I ridiculous?

It can be slightly nerve-wrecking speaking to a life coach – what if I can’t think of anything to say, what if it’s embarrassing, what if I feel they are judging me? What if my worries are silly? Am I ridiculously spoilt and privileged to say these things?

But a life coach is trained to listen in a non-judgemental way. They are experienced in asking certain questions to help you clarify your thoughts. A coach knows that most worries and challenges boil down to the same thing, fear. Fear of change, fear of what others think of you, fear of losing all your money, fear of the unknown.

Do you want to move on?

These fears are all valid. And worth addressing. It’s only when you realise what is holding you back and consider what impact that will have on your future, that you can work on moving forward.

Perhaps you’ll realise that you’re basing what you see as success on your parents’ views rather than your own. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you’ll only ever be able to do one sort of job because you spent years studying and training for it. You can’t stand the work, but you can’t ‘waste’ that education.

It could be you’ve lost your confidence and it’s stopping you from considering new opportunities. You truly don’t think you’ve got certain skills or aptitudes – but in reality you have them in bucket-loads. You just haven’t been enjoying using them, or you’ve had to apply them in ways that don’t suit your values.

A life coach listens, and then helps you to come up with a plan of action to move on. Once you’ve identified what’s stopping you, what one little step can you take to move in the direction you want to? You come up with the plan, and your coach supports you along the way.

Ask for help

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. There’s a reason those sayings such as ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ have endured. Rather than letting worries about making changes circle around in your mind – talk to someone.

If you’d like to try life coaching with me, drop me an email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash