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Time to reassess

Now seems a really good time for us to reassess. We’re gradually coming out of the pandemic enforced lockdown. We’ve hit a sort of reset. And now we have an opportunity to reconsider how we want to live our day-to-day lives.  

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, as I suppose lots of us have. What do I want to go back to? Do I want to fall back into my old life exactly as it was, or a slightly different version? 

Sometimes when I think back to how I used to try and ram stuff in, I almost feel breathless. It seems my stamina for doing so much has taken a hit.

At weekends, typically, I’d want a nice slow lazy morning reading in bed. A proper rest. But I’d also have this mental checklist of all the things I need to get done, right now. Clean the flat, buy food, wash hair, sort something out online. And I’d have arranged to meet a friend for coffee. And maybe another friend later on. Perhaps I’d have invited friends over for dinner. And straight off I’d be feeling stressed.

What kind of ridiculous is that? To have the luxury to do anything, or pretty much nothing, and still feel stressed. How did I manage to arrange my weekends so that I’d be feeling so hurried first thing, just getting started with the day? 

Not doing much at all

It’s amazing to have lots of friends to make plans with and see, and fun things to do. But maybe, when it comes to planning and agreeing to things, I need to reassess, and be a little more aware of how I actually like to spend my time. 

I’ve come to realise that at weekends I really like to not do much at all, just generally potter about. During the quarantine I’ve enjoyed not planning (not that there was any choice in the matter) and just seeing what I’ve felt like doing. Which has basically amounted to cooking, cleaning, playing board games whilst listening to music, reading, maybe a video call. In the evening nothing simpler than cooking up a feast and watching a film.

Back in the ‘new normal’, seeing friends at some point would also be nice. And going for a walk. All ideally later in the day.

But this period of quarantine has reminded me that I actually appreciate being at home more. I’m enjoying not constantly running around trying to do everything. Social pressures have fallen away. Gone is the dilemma of being invited to do something and feeling obligated versus wanting to do that thing.

So do I want to dedicate any more time to agonising over social invitations? Or can I accept that it’s ok to turn things down. Do I want to book up my days and weekends with ‘stuff’ leaving no real free time? Do I want to keep planning weekends in advance leaving no room for spontaneity?

It’s going to be brilliant when we again have total freedom, choices, and can see friends and family as and when we’d like. We’re all longing for that. But also the slowness and simplicity I’ve experienced is something I’d like to hold on to.

If you’d like to sign up for a career change coaching session, you can do so here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Stephanie Harvey on Unsplash

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Always in a rush?

I’ve realised something about myself recently. I always seem to be in a rush.

I put these self-imposed time limits on myself.

I’ve particularly noticed it happening in the mornings. I take it slow to start, ease myself into some Headspace meditation, then some yoga. I breathe, I’m slow, I’m basically waking up.

Then – action stations! The next few minutes are a blur of kettle on, shower, tea, dress, make-up, breakfast. I rush through it. Eating my breakfast I try to slow down and take my time – I hate rushing while eating.

But I realise I’ve got into the habit of rushing unnecessarily.

Now, I know mornings are a rush for most people. Busy people with jobs to get to, kids to get ready for school, commutes to make. Trying to get as much sleep as possible is the priority, so we get up the very latest we can and then rush through getting out the door.

But, a few years back I deliberately designed my morning to not be a massive rush. I made the decision to get up earlier, just so that I didn’t have to rush, and could have an enjoyable read while eating my breakfast. 

But slowly the habit has crept back. 

And it’s not just the early mornings. When I leave the house I then rush to my co-working space (I do enjoy the 30 minute walk, but it’s at a good clip). I burst into the cowork space, head down, no time for chit chat. I need to get my laptop on, pronto. It’s a vaguely stressful start to the day to be honest.

No ambling in for me, making a tea, having a chat. Taking my time to sort out my stuff and sit down.

This needs to change. I’m causing myself unnecessary stress.

At the weekends too – I sometimes wake up anxious. All I want is a slow, leisurely morning, reading in bed while eating breakfast and drinking tea. But I have a constant checklist of things to do, reply to that friend’s message, make a plan for later tonight, do the food shop, clean the flat, wash my hair…

I compress time in my head, I need to do everything, NOW! No matter that this is kinda typical at the weekend, I always have this stuff to do, and I get it done. It shouldn’t be a big deal. But somehow I’ve learned to make it stressful. 

So, now it’s time to break the old habits and make some new ones. Here’s my plan:

  • The only time I’m allowed to rush is when I’m actually running late, when I have 5 minutes in which to leave the house or I’ll be late. Anything other than that, and I need to chill out. 
  • I need to forcibly slow down when I feel like I’m rushing, and breathe. Do what I need to do calmly and slowly. 
  • Finally my plan is to leave for work 10 minutes earlier, to give myself time at the other end.

How about you? Are you a rusher? Are you feeling stressed? Or are you pretty zen in your day to day?

If you’d like to download my morning routines guide, do so here: 3 easy steps to a morning routine you love!

And if you’d to sign up for a life coaching session with me, sign up here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Djim Loic on Unsplash

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Breathe

It’s mindfulness week at the coworking space I use. Every day a coach is holding short sessions on meditation, nutrition and time management amongst other things. Yesterday I went to the first session, where the coach asked us to do a simple thing: breathe.

A small group of us sat there in a circle, a little awkward, expectant.

After explaining to us what our brains are up to when we feel stressed, the coach put on some calming music and asked us to close our eyes.

She told us to breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 2, breathe out for a count of 6.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

I realised how tense my back and neck felt. How my mind had been buzzing. It felt as though I’d been holding my breathe. I felt anything but calm and relaxed.

I also realised that I was on the verge of tears.

Gradually I relaxed into it, and it felt so calming to listen the music, quietly sit and concentrate on something as simple as breathing.

Looking back over the morning, I saw that I’d been running on auto-pilot.

I’d been in a state of high-alert, rushing to write an email before the session, and stressed by all things Monday. I’d been off to the gym first thing, rushing back to shower and change, then rushing to work. All the emails and work for the week crashing down on top of me.

I’d even had a brief chat about the busyness of Monday mornings to a friend in the kitchen about an hour beforehand – but hadn’t thought to step back and actually take a break, sit for a few minutes and breath and close my eyes.

As the coach said, we feel as though we need to be go go go to be productive, but it’s not the case. The more breaks we take the more productive we can be.

I know this. I know that I need breaks. But I’m aware that my breaks usually consist of ‘doing’. Switching to read an interesting article, or something in Spanish, or to check messages. Once in a while listening to a podcast or walking round the block.

But sometimes what I really need is to find a quiet space, close my eyes, breath in and out. Really switch off.

It’s fine and even great to have periods of hyper-productivity, firing on all cylinders, getting stuff done. But when you’ve had a whole day of buzzing – that sounds a little like living off stress to me. When you can’t slow done, you jump from one thing to another, the adrenalin’s pumping. Frantic.

It’s not sustainable and at some point you’re probably going to crash. And that’s really not productive.

So if you’re reading this, do yourself a favour. Close your eyes. Breathe in slowly for a count of 4, hold for a count of 2, breath out for a count of 6. Repeat. Notice how your body feels. Notice how your mind feels. Better?

To book a coaching session with me, focusing on mindset and making positive changes in your life or career, email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Lee Jeffs on Unsplash

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Need some focus?

I do. I sometimes wonder if I’m losing my concentration skills. I’m finding it takes more and more effort to focus.

I seem to have a lot of half-started things around me, or things I want to look at/do/read/try but haven’t quite gotten round to. For example:

Half-read books.

Looking around my flat, I currently have 12 books where I’ve either read a chapter or two or am half-way through. A couple I’ll probably never read. But others I’ve enjoyed so far – I’ve just got side-tracked and tempted by something else.

Half-watched Netflix tv series.

Currently around 5.

Podcast episodes clogging up my phone’s flimsy storage capacity.

There are so many that I’m half-way through. On top of that, every day new episodes are appearing from podcasts I’ve subscribed to.

The choice is endless. There are podcasts offering something up whatever mood I’m in (entrepreneurial, comedy, entertainment, comfort, current affairs).

And some are for walking along to, some are for washing my hair to, some are for cooking to…

Too many emails in my inbox.

Offering free training or free webinars or free guides to things I want to learn about. There are a lot of voices out there, all ready to teach me something new. And there’s SO MUCH to learn!

35 articles.

Saved in a folder on my browser bookmarked ‘to read’. Throughout the day, as something catches my eye, I dump it there. And it adds up, and adds up…

There’s just too much stuff.

Knowing this stuff is all there clogging up leaves me with a feeling of dissatisfaction. I don’t like having things lingering like that. Nothing is completed.

Are my concentration skills failing? Or is it because there’s such a proliferation of stuff out there for us, it’s a real mental battle to just focus on one thing at a time, and see it through to the end.

Distractions.

It’s become normal to flit from one thing to another. Opening up multiple internet tabs where one article leads on to another. 

Looking up something on your phone, only to be distracted by a notification and taken off on a different rabbit hole. When you manage to come out of it you’ve forgotten what you were originally looking for. 

There are so many distractions out there, and when you’re curious and interested in lots of things, and like to learn, it’s even worse.

It takes a lot to pull back and work out what’s important, and then focus.

Solution.

So the only solution I have is to regularly reassess. 

  • What do I need to focus on today or this week? What are my top 3 priorities?
  • Can I break down my ‘to-dos’ into smaller, achievable actions steps?
  • Can I cull any emails/subscriptions/podcast episodes?
  • Are there any apps I can delete?
  • Can I streamline my diary, think hard before agreeing to something?
  • What if I make a promise to myself that I will see each new book, podcast episode, tv episode through to the end (unless it’s rubbish and therefore I’ll scrap it)?

It always comes down to simplifying when I feel overwhelmed. Cut through the noise, limit my options.

What are you doing to stop the overwhelm and unnecessary distractions?

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You might like my guide to creating a morning routine: 3 easy steps to a morning routine you love!

Contact me if you’d like to try a life coaching session. I can help with overwhelm, productivity, feeling stuck… Email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

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