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The perfect time for writing, reflecting & planning.

This time of year, the days between Christmas Day and the New Year, I naturally turn to reflecting on the current year, and on the new year to come.

How do I feel about the year that’s about to end? Generally a good year? Not so good? Did anything go well, and what could I have done differently?

What plans do I have for January? Do I want to change how I go about my day-to-day routines? What big plans do I have for the whole year, what do I want to achieve?

I love to write it all down.

I find writing cathartic, whether it’s a blogpost, the day’s to-do list, big plans for the future or simply getting down on paper how I’m feeling. Reflecting in this way is therapeutic, getting it all out of my head, and down on paper. It’s a way of processing my thoughts.

There’s such freedom in writing. Random words, imagined conversations, massive crazy dreams. Writing down how you really feel about something, and would never dare tell anyone.

Also it can help you come up with solutions. Getting down all possible options, making a massive plan of all the steps it will take to do something.

Here are a few writing exercises I’ll be doing over the next few days, that you might want to try.

Reflection

1. When reflecting back over the past year, a really nice exercise is to think of and write down all the things I’m proud of. What did I overcome, or survive? When did I do something that took courage. What did I find a solution to? Was there a situation I dealt with well? Who did I help? In which moments did I cheer myself on and get something done?

Those times you’ve felt nervous, or unequipped or unqualified, you’ve struggled with imposter syndrome – but then you did it and it was fine? That time you were assertive when usually you’d give in. That time you tried something new and loved it.

It can be hard at first, but if you push yourself to list every little thing you’re proud of, most of us can come up with quite a list.

Brief moments

2. It’s also great to consider moments of peace, contentedness, happiness, or joy during the past year. It doesn’t have to be something big, like an amazing holiday or event. Rather, those brief moments.

For example a lovely unexpected exchange with someone you didn’t know. A time you chose to do what you wanted over what someone else expected of you – and you relished in the moment. That time you took a few minutes from your busy day to sit on a bench in the sun and close your eyes, enjoying a feeling of peace.

If things aren’t going particularly well at the moment, thinking back over what you are proud of, and those little moments of joy, can help you get perspective. It wasn’t all doom and gloom – there were great moments.

3. Compare how you feel right now, with how you felt this time last year. How have things moved on? What are you pleased about? What are you frustrated at? If things haven’t gone as you’d like, you can spend some time reflecting on what you need to do to bring about change.

Future first

4. And on to what’s to come. What are my immediate plans for January, what do I want to get sorted at the start of the year? What’s bugging me? What practical things do I want to sort out, or what changes can I make to my routine?

(Download my morning routines guide here: 3 easy steps to a morning routine you love!)

5. Equally important – what do I want to enjoy or try in January in order to start off the year well? January’s the month where I like to hibernate, so which films do I want to watch, which books do I want to read, which recipes do I want to try cooking?

6. Longer term – what big plans do I have for the year, work wise, health wise, financially, personally, emotionally? However big or however long I think they might take to fulfil, I write it all down. I’m a big believer in being clear on your goals and what you want to achieve, and writing it down. For more help on this, see my vision boards guide here: How to create a vision board.

So there we go, a few tips on taking the time to reflect, reassess and plan. I hope these tips inspire you.

If you realise you need help in making this year different, I’ve recently launched my 1-hour Get Unstuck! coaching calls. Designed to get you taking action straight away, after a 1-hour call with me. Email me at joaopoku@gmail.com to arrange.

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

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Career change – how to pick one thing and get started?

Something I often see with people who want to change their career, is that they’ve got a few vague ideas about what to do next, but they can’t see through the haze and just pick one.

How do you know which is the right one?

“What if I spend lots of time researching and going down one route, only to find it’s not right for me and I’ve wasted time? How do I decide which path to take? Why can’t someone just tell me what to do?!”

Pick one

The solution is – pick one. Just pick one and try it out. Stop procrastinating, stop wasting time. The only way to stop dithering is to take some action. Get some real insight and experience and you’ll know if it’s right for you.

You might have quite a list of possible options, from the safe and practical to the wildly exciting and (for now) completely out of reach. 

But most people will only have around 1-3 things they’re really seriously contemplating. 

Maybe your options are:

1) Stay put and go for a promotion. I’m stagnating in this role. Maybe more money and responsibility is what I need? Maybe I’ll love it? Or at least if I’m earning more and have a better job title I’ll feel better about my life?

2) Find a job in another company. Maybe my current role is actually ok, it’s just my company that I don’t like? If I were doing the same role in a really cool company, where I actually share the same values, maybe that’d be a good change?

3) Retrain as (fill in the blank). My secret dream. I think I’d love to do this, but it seems so out of reach. I’d need to do at least a year’s training. And the cost of the course will be loads…And I’m not sure I’m really confident enough to go for it, what if I’m no good? 

3 month rule

So the first step is, pick one and give yourself three months to gather information and start taking action. Ignore the other ideas for the time being. Don’t procrastinate around picking the first one, just pick the one that leaps out to you the most today.

Side note – by the way, this doesn’t mean that I think you can or should change career in 3 months. Of course it’s possible, but it took me waaaay longer, from the first moment I thought about changing. But 3 months is a good amount of time to get stuck into your project and a lot can be achieved.

Next, write a list of all the little goals you’d need to achieve to get there. Write down everything. First steps, like find out HR manager name, find LinkedIn account login, Google search where you could do a course in your area. Make each step small and achievable. Keep going through to the final goal – receive promotion letter and accept it. Receive job offer and accept it. First day of course!

Now put some time frames on your list – realistically how soon can you achieve each goal? Make it achievable but push yourself too, try and take a small action daily if possible.

Then, you are going to methodically work through your list, ticking things off as you go. You can add to it when you realise there’s a missing step – but DON’T add to the list just to procrastinate. Keep really focussed on achieving your goal.

Reassess

When it gets to the three month mark, you can reassess. Where have you got to after three months of research and (crucially) taking action? Have you achieved your goal? (Whoo!) Have you realised it’s not for you? Are you feeling uninspired by what you’ve found out?

Don’t worry if you’ve realised it’s not for you – this is good news! Because you can scratch this idea from your big list. Now you’ve got headspace to concentrate on the other two. You’re getting closer to working out what you really want to do.

Maybe in this time you’ve had a realisation, and are on a different path anyway.

The whole point of this process is to get you taking action. The number one cause of all my frustration and angst before going through my career change was thinking and worrying so much, rather than taking some kind of action.

As soon as I took things into my own hands and started doing, taking serious steps to change things, it all became a lot easier and more exciting.

Speaking of taking action, I’ve recently launched my 1-hour Get Unstuck! coaching calls. Designed to get you taking action straight away, after a 1-hour call with me. Email me at joaopoku@gmail.com to arrange.

Photo by Stephanie Harvey on Unsplash

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Does your dream feel impossible?

The problem

A former client from my advertising days wrote to me recently, wondering how I’d made the leap from advertising to what I do now. She explained that she’s unhappy with the situation she’s in at the moment, still working in advertising. She’d moved to Madrid 3 years ago with a sparkly new job. But it isn’t working out the way she wanted. What she really wants now is to return to her native Italy, to Rome, with a good job.

But as far as she’s concerned, that’s an impossible dream. 

I found it interesting that she describes her dream as impossible. From my point of view it’s a relatively straightforward wish. Find a new job, hand in your notice, book flights, find somewhere new to live…

If we look into it a bit more closely: there’s no visa issue or reason she can’t physically return to her country. Flights aren’t expensive and it’s not a great distance to have to travel. So nothing is stopping her from giving notice on her flat and job, packing up her stuff, and getting on a flight. Finding a new place to rent (or buy) can be a faff but there’s always a solution, even if it’s temporary until you’re more settled.

So what else needs to be seriously considered? Work.

Is it likely she’ll find a job in Rome, or a way of working from there? I’m not too sure what the job market’s like but with her intelligence and experience, getting a job is surely possible. Will it be exactly what she wants, right from the start? Not necessarily, it may be a case of finding something to pay the bills and then making a switch when a new opportunity arises.

She’ll have a big network of contacts by now who could be invaluable in helping her find something. Even if the job market in Rome is limited, could getting a job with a company based in Milan and working remotely be a possibility, being close enough to visit when necessary? Could she do her current job remotely from Rome, or side step into a role that would allow it? All within the realm of possibility.

The reality

There’s a saying by Henry Ford of the Ford Motor Company, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t-you’re right.”

If you believe that something is impossible, it probably will be impossible, because you won’t even try to do it. 

You’ll spend your time torturing yourself, wishing for something with all your heart but take absolutely no action to try and do it. Because you believe it won’t happen.

Many people feel as though their dream is impossible. The reality is probably that it would take time, effort, logistics, mindset, guts, focus, determination and maybe a bit of luck.

However, if you can accept this, and start working towards your goal nonetheless, it should be possible. It might take more time than you’d like. It might require a lot of effort and persistence. But if it’s really want you want, more than anything, surely it’s worth it?

The solution

The number one stumbling block is going to be your mindset, and that needs to be dealt with. Working hard to rid yourself of the belief that your dream can’t happen. And doing everything to persuade yourself it’s possible.

You need to find other people who have done the same or similar (erm – hello?). Search online, ask your network of contacts. Surely someone out there has moved from one big city to another, maybe even from Madrid to Rome, and found a decent job in the process. If they’ve done it, so can you. You might have different circumstances, but it’s possible. 

Sometimes you have to let go of expectations, and be willing to be open and put in the work. It sounds cheesy, but I think you have to work to make your dream happen. It can be done.

Got a big dream that seems impossible? What’s the first small step you can take to make it seem more real?

If you’d like to chat with me about coaching (and maybe make a plan to get out of that job you’re really not loving), get in touch at joaopoku@gmail.com.

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Progress not perfection

I’ve learned a new mantra which has become a guiding light recently. Progress not perfection.

The focus is on making progress, taking action, taking the next small step…and totally forgetting about doing things perfectly. Adequate, fine, done. I love it.

Even if your end result isn’t perfect – you’ve got yourself past that horrible stage of wondering, procrastinating, staying stuck. When you wait until you’re 100% sure what you’re doing or what the outcome will be. If you get stuck in this way of thinking, you never make any progress.

Let go of perfection.

However, if you let go of perfection, you give yourself space. Even if what you do is a bit crappy, you’ve broken through.

If you’ve always tried to do things perfectly, or you set yourself really high standards, it can seem counter intuitive.

But you’ve got to remember what’s more important, just getting it done, or not doing it at all.

You can let out your rebellious, slacker side. It’s not perfect, but it’s done. Next.

Trying to do everything.

The thing is, when you try and do everything in your life perfectly, you create a huge amount of stress. I see it in myself, I see it in my friends, I see it in my clients.

Trying to do everything perfectly is setting yourself up to fail or burnout. Having the perfect job. Doing your work perfectly, being the perfect partner. Being the perfect friend, trying to look perfect. Always putting other people first.

From my experience (I know there will be exceptions), the guys I know don’t seem to carry this perfectionism around with them so much. I feel they don’t worry about being the perfect friend, they just see their friends when they can. Remembering other people’s birthdays or anniversaries and buying the perfect card and present are not up there on the to-do list. Writing the beautiful thank-you card doesn’t happen.

I know that’s a big generalisation. But my main point is, I think it’s something to be admired. So I try to adopt more of this mentality. Progress not perfection. Letting some things happen imperfectly. Letting some stuff slip.

In short, focus on the important stuff, and just get it done. What do you think? Are you stuck, always trying to do things perfectly? Where can you cut yourself some slack?

If you’d like to try a life coaching session with me, email me at: joaopoku@gmail.com.

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Don’t put things off

Putting things off til later. We all do it. Either we don’t want to do it, or we just can’t face it right now. But some things really shouldn’t be put off, they’re too important and time is precious…

I saw a photo of myself from over a decade ago, taken in Dubrovnik, Croatia. I was there visiting with my family. I’m stood high on the city walls, sun baking down, admiring the view. I remember walking along the wall, running my hand along the hot stone, deep in thought.

I remembered how on that trip I had promised myself that one day (soon) I’d live abroad again.

It took me a good 10 years to finally do it.

They regret they didn’t do it sooner.

It seems a lot of people’s biggest regret when it comes to career change, starting their own business, moving house or moving abroad, is that they didn’t do it sooner. They put it off.

The thing is, once you’ve done it, you look back and realise it’s not so difficult. It’s simply the difference between dreaming about doing it and making the decision and actually doing it.

Most things are doable – you just need to decide.

The regret comes from realising that even though there may be challenges and obstacles steep learning curves and things that go wrong, your goal is achievable. And it really wasn’t something you needed to put off for so long.

Once I’d moved from the UK to Spain and looked back at the process, I was quite surprised at how straightforward it had actually been. I’d built it into this really massive thing. Leaving my flat, friends, family, life. For years the dream of moving abroad had become a big deal (even though I’d done it before, successfully, twice).

In the end it came down to:

  • Speaking to my bosses about moving abroad, which was scary and took courage – but they were fine about it (we work remotely).
  • I had to sort out renting my flat which was a bit of a faff. But the hardest part was deciding to leave my flat, which I’d loved living in. The emotional stuff. Once I’d made the decision, the rest was just practical stuff.
  • Stopping all household services and direct debits was straightforward.
  • Packing up the stuff in my flat and taking it to store in my Mum and Dad’s garage was easy.
  • Booking a flight to Valencia was simple.
  • Finding a flat in Valencia took a bit of effort, but I did it.

There’s always a way.

It really was just a series of steps. The main thing was sorting out my mindset, and getting my head around the idea that moving abroad at that time was plausible.

I know not everyone’s situation is the same, not everyone will have their own flat to rent out, not everyone will have parents willing to store their stuff. Not everyone will have a job they can pick up in another country, working remotely.

But, with each person’s own personal situation, there’s always a way. Once you make the decision to do something, it’s a matter of working away at it, taking steps to get you there.

Same with career change.

I spent years agonising about changing career. It did take a lot of reflection and planning. But I really dragged it out. I was putting it off because I really didn’t know what I wanted to do.

When it came down to it, it meant making the decision to leave my job and find something that suited me better. I had six months of doing a variety of jobs and freaking out about what to do. But eventually I found a new job I loved, and found the guts to start my own coaching business too.

And I now realise I could have done this all sooner.

Think about it.

The thing is, it doesn’t really matter if you do it now, in one year, or in 5 years. But what I’m saying is don’t wait too long out of fear. A bit of time to plan and prepare and set safety nets – yes. But procrastinating and putting it off for years, and not even taking that one small first step? No. You’re just putting off your own happiness.

Is there something that you’d really like to do, that you dream of doing, that if you fast forward 10 or 15 years you KNOW you’ll regret not going? What is it? Write it down. Put down as much detail around it as you can. Set a date by which time you want to have achieved this dream.

It may seem enormous, time consuming, ridiculous. But think about how you’ll feel once you do it or achieve it. 

If you keep taking tiny steps towards this big goal, then so much can be achieved, however long it takes you.

“Dare to life the life you dream for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you’d like to try life coaching with me, contact me at: joaopoku@gmail.com

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