I’ve been trying out this morning dance challenge called Nobody’s Watching, which I wrote about here. On a zoom call, the host plays us three songs and the rest of us dance around our bedrooms or living rooms, sometimes in dressing gown and pyjamas.
At first I was super awkward, knowing that any of them could see me. But over time I’ve come to love this way of starting the day. I’m relishing just loving the act of dancing.
I’ve felt so free. And it’s reminded me of my little nieces who I so admire when they dance. They move in a way that feels good and that’s it – no care or worry about what they look like. Big grins on their faces, having so much fun.
I’ve been spinning, swirling, waving my arms like Kate Bush. It’s so freeing, swirling, swooping, whatever I feel like.
I realise that so much of my dancing in the past has been about trying to look cool, or look good, painfully aware that I might be being watched. As much as I love dancing I’ve often felt very self-conscious doing so.
And it seems this feeling of trying too hard relates to so much of life. We try so hard to appear a certain way, and care so much about what other people might think.
We think twice before acting, hold our tongue, paint on a mask of being ok.
This little release each morning is helping me to care less. For 15 minutes I don’t care, I’m not trying, I’m gradually letting myself move in exactly the way I feel. If I look stupid, so what. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is how it makes me feel.
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I offer career change coaching – get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.
This week I did something that scared me a little bit. I signed up to an event called Nobody’s Watching. It’s a dance challenge: you dance to three songs each morning, for a period of 3 weeks, with a group of people on Zoom.
A friend, the founder of the event, posted about it on LinkedIn. It sounded like a brilliant concept and I wanted to support her, so signed up on the spot. With literally 5 minutes to go before the 7.45am start.
It was also an impulse to try something new. This past year has all been about the same routine, same four walls, we’ve had very few new or exciting experiences. I felt like this would wake me up.
Through the first song I was nervous, awkward, and didn’t know what to do. I’ve never been comfortable dancing in front of other people – and the thought of dancing on camera was pretty daunting. But at the second song I started loosening up. I realised everyone was just doing their own thing, and really no one was watching. It didn’t matter what I did. Toe tapping, awkwardly swaying my arms, getting into it in my own way. The main thing was to feel the music, sing along and enjoy moving.
I felt quite moved during that attempt, choked up, about to cry. And I have done the past few days too. I guess dancing is a release. I realised on that day that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d danced, even just dancing around my flat. Months ago. And dancing is one of the best things you can do to feel good.
Throughout that first day I was quite dreading having to do it again the next day. But the next morning I woke up and was actually quite looking forward to it! I was curious as to what songs would be selected, how would I feel? Would I feel awkward again, would I get into it more? Would she play songs I know?
There’s something lovely about having a bunch of strangers coming together to have fun, each in their own little bubble, but sharing a moment. I feel touched seeing everyone bopping away in their front rooms. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, something that scares you a little.
I offer career change coaching – get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.
I read an interesting interview with a marketing specialist about feelings of failure around quitting your job. She commented ‘it’s taking initiative and knowing what you want from life, not failing.’
It’s such a good reminder.
So often when you feel unfulfilled, bored or frustrated in your job, you feel like you’re failing. Why is my life so rubbish? Why did I take this job? Why can’t I just get on with it and enjoy it?
If your work makes you feel miserable, you can feel as though you’re failing at life. Work is such an important part of your every day, it’s how you spend the bulk of your time. And if your working hours are spent feeling negative, it can feed into the rest of your life.
I love her comment because it’s about turning things around. It’s about not feeling like a victim or that you’re powerless in your own life. Instead it’s about being brave, seeing that something needs to change, and doing something about it.
Quitting a job or anything else means that you are deciding what’s right for you. Never mind what other people (colleagues, friends, family) who’ve never been in the same position may think. Decide and go for it.
Taking the initiative, making a bold decision and working out a plan to support yourself is confidence boosting. Career change is always possible, it just takes time and action.
It’s about moving on to something better, something more suited to you.
If you’d like help with a career change, I run coaching sessions to help you plan and take the first small steps. Contact me on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com
There’s a book I found helpful when I was in the exploratory phase of my career change. Otherwise known as the time when I read every possible book available on career change/how to decide what you really want to do/how to find your passion etc etc. It taught me about ‘possible selves’.
It’s called Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career, and it’s written by Herminia Ibarra.
“Possible selves are the ideas we all have about who we might want to become. Some are concrete and well-informed by experience; others are vague and fuzzy, nascent and untested. Some are realistic; others are pure fantasy. And, naturally, some appeal more to us than others.”
You’re not searching for The One
I love this idea. Because straight off, it takes the pressure off. You’re not searching for The One. You’re not searching for this one dream job that’s going to change your life, make everything better, make you happy.
Instead, you’re making a list of all those possible selves you think you might like to be.
There’s the you that carries on in a similar role, but with a different company. Another version of you that retrains as a teacher. A possible self that becomes an artist and lives by the sea. Another you that wants to work for XX company but doesn’t know how to get in the door. The one that stays in your current role but somehow, magically, it gets better and you enjoy working there again. The version that starts up a business selling cheesy snacks that get snapped up by Waitrose and John Lewis.
You’re having fun, you’re getting it all out of your head. The sensible ideas, the totally out there ideas. The ones you’re not sure about, the ones you’re extremely keen on.
The main thing is to not hold back. All of these possible selves are representing something in you. Maybe some are hinting at a creative you that’s feeling frustrated and trapped. Maybe there’s a part of you that wants autonomy and freedom. If you push these urges down and ignore them, you’re not going to deal with the feelings of frustration, they’re just going to build.
Explore
The next step is to start to explore these possible selves, as many as you can.
It could be that you explore a more creative self, where your main work is creating. You look into the reality of what you’d need to do every day, what you might get paid, how long it might take etc. You speak to someone who’s doing work in this area that you admire or that seems to enjoy it. And you realise that actually you wouldn’t really want to be an artist; trying to make money from it doesn’t sound fun.
But you realise you really do want to be a part of that industry, and that finding a role similar to your current one, but in that industry, just might be an idea. Or you realise instead that starting something artistic as a hobby will bring you a lot of joy and a chance to express yourself in a way you haven’t for a long time.
On the other hand it could be that you realise this is what you want to be doing. Therefore you need to make a plan. How can you make it happen? What have other people out there done to make it happen? How could you get started? Who could help you?
Nothing’s off limits
It’s important to give credibility to your ideas, don’t just dismiss them as silly. Part of the process is to make it as fun and interesting as possible, like a side project. Explore these ideas, see what you find out. Even if the result is that you definitely do not want to proceed in that direction, at least now you’re clear on that and you have a good idea of the reality.
It will help you to clarify what you want and sort through the muddle. And new ideas may appear.
I explored all sorts of possible selves. At first I considered staying in my role but working for another similar company. I tried out working as a tutor, a translator, a teaching assistant. Teaching English abroad, volunteering or working for a charity appealed, and I got close to going ahead. That even led me to do a teaching English as a foreign language (CELTA) qualification. I shadowed someone working in the foreign rights department of a publishing company. I started offering coaching sessions.
And I finally took a full-time role which tied in a lot the areas I’d been exploring. It was in the world of education, using skills I’d used in my former role such as sales and presenting, and for a company whose values mirrored mine.
Importantly, exploring possible selves helped me to shed my previous work identity, something Ibarra also writes about. I shed the constraints I’d been holding onto, this is what a good job looks like, this is what I can do, this is the world I have to work in. It helped me to be open to new opportunities that I previously would have dismissed as not possible, or not right for me.
It’s a journey, and it takes time. But if you’re at that point where you’re feeling stuck and frustrated, you know you need to make a change but you don’t know how, then it’s worth the work.
If you need help with your career change, you can contact me at LinkedIn or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
I read an article where a reader was asking for advice. Is wanting to change career at 30 years old a crazy idea? Basically, is it too late?
Here are my thoughts.
Firstly, you’re probably likely to be working for many more years to come. Do you really want to stay doing what you’re doing for 10 or 20 more years? 5 more years? 1 more year?
Secondly, what are your motivations for wanting to change career? For instance, is it that you don’t get on with your team or manager?
Do you feel that you’ve grown out of the role, it doesn’t interest you any more or sit with your values?
Are you bored, do you feel you’ve learned all there is to know and you’re not growing?
Maybe you’ve always had a secret desire to do a particular job, become a writer, teach, do social work, and you’re realising it’s now or never?
Or is it something else?
Whatever it is, it’s worth taking the time to uncover what’s really going on. Does it definitely mean a career change is the way forward?
If it’s a team or manager issue, can that be addressed somehow? If you have an HR department could they help? Could a side step into a different role in your company be a possibility? Do you actually need to leave, or if you enjoy the work, could the situation be improved?
If you feel that you’ve grown out of your role or you’re feeling bored, is it something you could speak about with your manager, HR or someone senior in the company? Could you change projects, start something new, move into a new team?
That restless feeling of boredom, could a more creative or entrepreneurial pursuit or hobby give you the freshness and excitement you need? Could you start something on the side; a blog, creating artwork, learning a language, volunteering, selling something you’ve created or can offer? Would that be enough to satisfy that urge?
Having a steady, slightly boring job can be an asset if you need the energy for writing a novel on the side, or starting your own small business or freelancing project.
This secret desire you’ve been pushing down for a particular job or career, what does the reality look like? Do you know anyone doing the work, or could you be put in contact with someone? Is there anybody you can speak to and get a realistic view of what the job entails? How do they really spend their time, what training did they need, how do they get started? Does the reality fit with the image you have?
Can you break down the steps you’d need to take to get there? Does it fire you up or seem like too much hard work?
Wanting to change career at any age isn’t crazy, in fact it’s pretty common. But not everyone goes ahead and does it. Because it seems daunting, scary, risky. But, for most people, a huge amount of your time is spent at work. In my opinion, the crazy thing to do would be to put up with a job that makes you miserable, depleted, frustrated – if you have the means and the opportunity to change.
Most importantly, get help – read books on career change, listen to podcasts, listen to talks. Find out how other people have gone about a career change and use their tips to guide you, you’ll always find someone in a similar situation to you. Talk to someone who’s been through a career change, maybe get help from a coach who can help you upick what’s going on in your head and make a plan.
If you are seriously considering a career change, it’s not crazy and it’s not too late. Something has obviously sparked this feeling. You just need to figure out what’s motivating you, what are your options, and go for it, small steps at a time. Good luck.
If you need help with your career change, you can contact me at LinkedIn or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
