A client who’d lost her job contacted me in February for some coaching just before the pandemic truly hit. She was in a difficult place, but hadn’t quite lost all hope.
Luckily she could leave London and go and live with her Mum, so rent wasn’t a worry. But it wasn’t ideal.
She needed to find a new job, and get on with her life. She had great aspirations, she wanted to buy her own place, and to travel.
And, she’d really lost her confidence. Her working environment before being made redundant hadn’t been great, then losing her job hit her hard.
So, we worked on building her confidence. I set her small tasks to do each week; honestly working out what her strengths are; noting when she’d acted in a confident manner, contacting strangers on LinkedIn and asking for advice on applying for the company they work for.
She was scared of being seen as annoying.
But she was determined, completed her tasks, and found that it was easier than she’d imagined.
People saw her for what she is, a lovely, capable, dedicated person.
She ended up with several job interviews – one a direct approach from LinkedIn.
And she found a new job in May!
With a company that seemed to share her values, who wants to hear her voice, and who are committed to employee wellbeing and happiness, with open conversations. Just what she needed.
None of this would have happened if she hadn’t taken action. As much as she was scared, feeling low, and lacking in self-esteem – she knew that she’d have to do some work in order to find a new job.
She took it step by step, was proactive, asked for help. And she persisted, even when it felt cringey, uncomfortable, risky. She didn’t’ lose hope, and it paid off.
If you’d like to try coaching with me, read more and contact me via LinkedIn, or send me an email at joaopoku@gmail.com.
Your confidence can be really knocked if you work for a manager or a team that just don’t quite click with you. You start to question yourself. Why don’t you want to laugh along with them, why don’t you want to hang out with them at lunchtime? Why do you not get their in-jokes, why don’t you want to spend time with them out of work? Why do you want something different?
I worked for a boss who had a very different view to me on how to work and what are acceptable working hours. She thought it was perfectly reasonable to work all hours, and even to take your work on holiday.
One time she had a big birthday that she celebrated with her sister abroad and they’d gone out to do something special, a boat trip down a river. In the middle of it all she took a call about some big deal she’d been working on and won.
The last thing I’d want to do on my birthday or when I’m on holiday is check work emails or take calls or think about work! Fair enough it was a big deal. But it just reminded me how little I was invested in the work, and how different our values seemed.
Square peg in a round hole
Another time I went for a drink with a couple of colleagues. They started talking about and comparing their Rolexes. I remember wondering what on earth I was doing there with them. What we found interesting, and important, seemed so different.
It’s easy to feel like you’re the one that doesn’t fit in, you’re the square peg in the round hole.
When working for this company, for my lunch break I’d always rush off at 1pm on the dot. I’d head to the nearest bookshop or walk around, then eat my lunch at my desk. I didn’t really want to interact that much. I didn’t want to go to lunch with colleagues or stroll around the shops together.
Now, I realise I’m a bit of an introvert. So looking back, working in a busy, open plan office with phones constantly ringing, I needed time to be on my own, to recalibrate, breathe, think, digest.
But I felt like a bit of a weirdo, always sneaking off on my own. In my memory, I pretty much sprinted to the door every lunchtime! I was desperate to move, to get out, to feel free.
The same with after work drinks. The last thing I wanted was to hang out more with the people I’d spent all day with, as nice as most of them were (and some of them were friends). The thought of carrying on, drinking warm wine in some so-so bar, making small talk, it wasn’t for me. I didn’t have the energy.
Something different
So when I left that job and searched out a new one, I was looking for something different. This meant looking for like-minded people who had a similar outlook to me. Finding work that meant something to me. I didn’t want to be working in a big, busy, open-plan office. Where you felt judged if you weren’t at your desk at 9am, if you left on the dot at 5pm and didn’t stay late, and if you took your lunch break at any time other than between 1pm and 2pm.
I wanted freedom and meaning.
I ended up working for a company where we all work remotely. We’re doing good work, helping children struggling with their reading. I’m genuinely interested in what my colleagues have to say about all sorts.
I still work 9-5 but I take my lunch when I want to. I go for a walk round the block or have a break when I want to. There’s no judgement when we all say a virtual bye at 5pm. I work from home or I work from a coworking space. Or when I’m back visiting my parents, from their study. It can change depending on my mood or energy levels, or what I’ve got to get done.
I can be around people when I want to, be on my own when I want to, and just get my head down and do the work. Then I’ll coach for a couple of hours after work, or first thing in the morning before work. I’ve found a way of working that suits me much better.
What do you want to change?
If what you’ve just read resonates, have a think about what your ideal working environment would be. What works for you? What would you change if you could?
Currently, during the covid pandemic, a lot of us have time to gain perspective on our work situation, and see more clearly what is or isn’t working. Many people are trying out working remotely, from home. And some are realising that it suits them really well, they are far more productive and love not having to commute. They have more time to spend with family.
Perhaps they are realising that this way of working (ideally without a backdrop of fear, uncertainty and doom) is something they’d like to pursue. Or at least, have the option to do so a few times a week.
Others are realising that there could be something more fulfilling out there, something that lights them up, something they’d be proud to be working on. Something different.
This could be a good opportunity to really explore – journal, read, start to build a more precise picture of what you want.
It’s definitely a time of change, in so many ways. Hopefully a large part can be really positive, including relooking at how we are working and what we want from life, and making changes accordingly.
If you’d like to try a coaching session with me, send me a message on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com for more info and details.
I love to read stuff about doing things in your own way. Weeding out and selecting and finding what works for you, and you only.
It’s so easy to consume other people’s opinions. Someone tells you they did something a certain way, and that if you do exactly the same it’ll work out for you too.
Another person giving their opinion based on what they’ve heard other people saying over the years.
Then there’s collective thinking. Things we see in the media or online, things it seems everyone knows; what constitutes a good job, a successful relationship, the only way to live a good life.
Thing is, there’s always an exception to the rule.
I read a piece by writer Ruby Tandoh about quitting. Generally we’re advised not to quit things. It’s seen as failure, as being lazy, as giving up, as not putting enough effort in.
Her take on it is – there’s amazing liberation to be found in quitting when you feel like it. You have a choice, and you can make it. You can quit something that isn’t working for you, that isn’t feeling good.
(Obviously this is dependant on circumstance, and being in a privileged position in the first place).
“Only later in life does the penny slowly drop and you realise that quitting isn’t just about wimping out or a can’t-be-bothered attitude. It’s about taking control of the situations, people and relationships that can forge – or damage – the meandering path of your life.”
I loved hearing a different take on quitting. I quit my job four years ago. I’d stayed for years believing you could only leave a job when you had another great one sorted. Ideally with a pay rise. That thinking kept me stuck for years.
Because I had no idea what my next step would be. And as it wasn’t clear, and I didn’t know how to go about exploring what was out there, I just stayed put.
When I finally did leap – with savings, some potential freelance work and temp work on the cards, a bed at my parents should things get desperate – it felt like the best thing I’d ever done.
“The only thing more thrilling than quitting something is starting something new. In the vacuum that quitting creates, countless new maybes rush in.”
It felt like the first time I’d really made a big decision for myself, that I was actually taking control of my life, and the direction in which it would go.
I read a ton of books beforehand about career change, finding your passion, going freelance, being an entrepreneur. I’d read enough to convince me that I could be one of those people. That it is possible to quit a job and not only survive, but maybe go on to bigger and better things.
I’m not necessarily suggesting you quit your job, it’s not a decision to take lightly. But I’m saying that you have to work things out your way, find what works for you.
Take on advice, take on different ideas about how to do things, and try them out for yourself. Keep what works, chuck anything that doesn’t.
Make decisions based on you and your life, not solely on what others think.
If you’d like to try a coaching session with me, send me a message on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com for more info and details.
Here in Spain we’ve just reached a new stage in loosening the quarantine restrictions. We can now meet up to 10 people in someone’s home, or in a park. We can go for a drink or meal on a cafe or restaurant terraza, with the establishment at only 30% capacity.
After 9 weeks of a very strict lockdown where for the majority of it we could only leave our houses to go to the supermarket or pharmacist, and no daily walk until the past couple of weeks, it’s a big shock to the system.
I’m aware that my situation is good. My little quarantine bubble has been comfortable and has felt safe. My family are well, I’ve worked from home, I haven’t had to head out, I haven’t had to home school.
Still, I’ve felt quite anxious about yet more changes to our day-to-day lives. It feels like a massive jump. A bit like we’re nocturnal animals coming out blinking into the daylight.
More changes
We’ve only just adapted to our new routines of staying in, working, exercising, entertaining ourselves indoors. It’s given us an element of security and control amidst something so difficult to control.
And now suddenly we’re confronted with decisions, albeit positive ones. Do I go out for a drink with friends? Do I meet up with people? Is it really safe? Is it going to put into jeopardy the possibility of flying to see my parents and family anytime soon?
On the other hand, isn’t this what I’ve been dreaming of, having a beer in the sun?
What’s comfortable for you?
After much deliberation I went out for a drink the other night for the first time since early March. It was really lovely to see friends, have a drink, have a chat, relax, enjoy being outside on a balmy evening. Hearing the everyday sounds of chat, laughter, glasses being clunked down on the table. Dogs barking, general neighbourhood noise. Sounds of life and activity.
But around an hour was enough for me. When that time passed I was ready to go for a bit of a walk then head back to the sofa to watch TV.
And that’s ok.
I think each of us has to work out what we are comfortable with, easing back into ‘normality’ bit by bit. I guess it’s the same with any change, big or small. Take baby steps and do what feels comfortable or doable. Staying paralysed or stuck is never a good thing. But with something as big as this, I think we can afford to be easy on ourselves.
If you’d like to sign up for a career change coaching session, you can do so here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
I had a client recently who was really struggling. She’d been made redundant and was grieving the death of a family member. She had clashed with an unsympathetic, difficult manager in her previous job, and had totally lost her confidence. We agreed that she needed help with building her confidence and some gentle pushing in the right direction.
My client knew she had a lot of experience and that she was good at her work. But she felt easily intimidated and was scared to use her voice. She felt frustrated because she saw that this was happening but didn’t know how to deal with it.
A disconnect between what she wanted, and what she was doing.
When she first started talking to me my client was in the process of searching and applying for jobs. But she found herself going for positions that were below her experience level and salary requirements. She was too intimidated to go for more senior positions. She didn’t feel confident enough. Deep down she wanted to maybe branch out into a different sector, earn more money, live more comfortably, but her wishes and her actions weren’t tallying.
Confidence building.
We worked together on some confidence building activities. We started by listing her abilities and skills, such as communication and presentation skills. Next, we assessed her use of them. Then, I got her to step back and actually look at the reality. Was she indeed ‘mediocre’ or ‘not very good’ at something? Or, was it that she didn’t have the motivation, satisfaction or support in that environment? Could it be that she was being too harsh on herself, and was way more capable than she was giving herself credit for?
Another task to help build her confidence was to start contacting people in companies she’d like to work for, to ask for advice. Find out if they knew of any job opportunities, or if they could advise her on the application process, anything that felt appropriate. She used LinkedIn for this, finding people within her network who seemed approachable, to ask for help.
Turnaround.
At first she was quite hesitant, she wasn’t used to ‘putting herself out there’ and felt that people would see her as a nuisance. She was very concerned with bothering people. My response to this was – most people like to help, and the worst someone would probably do is ignore your request. What’s there to lose?
Thanks to her willingness to get out of her comfort zone and be brave, she went for it, and asked people for tips. She ended up getting a job interview with a company she had previously set her sights on. Even better, she was then offered an interview with another company which was even more appealing, and she accepted a job offer.
Ready for change.
My client was so ready for a change, and so determined, that she turned things around. She felt vulnerable, worried and unconfident. But she knew that she had to be proactive and that she couldn’t wait for a new job to appear. She had to make it happen.
Not long ago I saw that my client had posted a very open, vulnerable blogpost on social media, sharing her experience. A post that would likely help a lot of people struggling in the same way. Something my client would never in a million years have thought of doing when we first spoke. A sure sign her confidence has grown.
If you need help with planning your career change, sign up for a session with me here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
