Self-belief

Lots of things have come up this week (thing’s I’ve read, conversations, social media posts) which make me more and more convinced that having a healthy dollop of self-belief is pretty much all you need to accomplish anything you want in life.

The people who are out there doing what they want – people I know, people I see from afar – all believe in their capabilities and are just getting on and doing it.

I’m also aware that so many of us are holding ourselves back – feeling under confident, confused, stuck, scared. And we could all be out there doing amazing things.

But something’s stopping us. Most likely it’s that little voice in our heads telling us that ‘we’re not enough’. Not experienced enough, not knowledgeable enough, not brave enough, not clever enough, not strong enough.

Because really – we’re all equipped to find a really great new job, we’re all equipped to start a small business. If you can read you can follow a guide, use Google, read a book, do a course, do whatever it takes. Work out what you need to do. The tools are there. It’s just the doing it that’s the hard part. Getting things moving.

How to you gain self-belief? How do you ‘improve’ it? I don’t really have the answer. But I have a sneaky suspicion it’s a muscle that you need to work. It’s something you can practise.

Read a book about confidence/self-belief/resilience and actually do the tasks they set. Listen to empowering speeches. Read the autobiography of someone you admire and learn from them. Practise getting better at making decisions – start small. Trust that you’ll make the right decision without asking everyone you know what they think first.

So start taking small steps towards whatever it is that you want to do. Tell yourself that if someone else has done it before, then you can do it too.

If you’d like help with career change coaching, you can book a 1-hour session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Alena Jarrett on Unsplash

Find what works for you

I love to read stuff about doing things in your own way. Weeding out and selecting and finding what works for you, and you only. 

It’s so easy to consume other people’s opinions. Someone tells you they did something a certain way, and that if you do exactly the same it’ll work out for you too. 

Another person giving their opinion based on what they’ve heard other people saying over the years.

Then there’s collective thinking. Things we see in the media or online, things it seems everyone knows; what constitutes a good job, a successful relationship, the only way to live a good life.

Thing is, there’s always an exception to the rule. 

I read a piece by writer Ruby Tandoh about quitting. Generally we’re advised not to quit things. It’s seen as failure, as being lazy, as giving up, as not putting enough effort in.

Her take on it is – there’s amazing liberation to be found in quitting when you feel like it. You have a choice, and you can make it. You can quit something that isn’t working for you, that isn’t feeling good.

(Obviously this is dependant on circumstance, and being in a privileged position in the first place). 

Only later in life does the penny slowly drop and you realise that quitting isn’t just about wimping out or a can’t-be-bothered attitude. It’s about taking control of the situations, people and relationships that can forge – or damage – the meandering path of your life.

Ruby Tandoh article in WePresent

I loved hearing a different take on quitting. I quit my job four years ago. I’d stayed for years believing you could only leave a job when you had another great one sorted. Ideally with a pay rise. That thinking kept me stuck for years.

Because I had no idea what my next step would be. And as it wasn’t clear, and I didn’t know how to go about exploring what was out there, I just stayed put.

When I finally did leap – with savings, some potential freelance work and temp work on the cards, a bed at my parents should things get desperate – it felt like the best thing I’d ever done. 

The only thing more thrilling than quitting something is starting something new. In the vacuum that quitting creates, countless new maybes rush in.

Ruby Tandoh article in WePresent

It felt like the first time I’d really made a big decision for myself, that I was actually taking control of my life, and the direction in which it would go. 

I read a ton of books beforehand about career change, finding your passion, going freelance, being an entrepreneur. I’d read enough to convince me that I could be one of those people. That it is possible to quit a job and not only survive, but maybe go on to bigger and better things. 

I’m not necessarily suggesting you quit your job, it’s not a decision to take lightly. But I’m saying that you have to work things out your way, find what works for you.

Take on advice, take on different ideas about how to do things, and try them out for yourself. Keep what works, chuck anything that doesn’t.

Make decisions based on you and your life, not solely on what others think.

If you’d like to try a coaching session with me, send me a message on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com for more info and details.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Coming out of the quarantine bubble

Here in Spain we’ve just reached a new stage in loosening the quarantine restrictions. We can now meet up to 10 people in someone’s home, or in a park. We can go for a drink or meal on a cafe or restaurant terraza, with the establishment at only 30% capacity. 

After 9 weeks of a very strict lockdown where for the majority of it we could only leave our houses to go to the supermarket or pharmacist, and no daily walk until the past couple of weeks, it’s a big shock to the system. 

I’m aware that my situation is good. My little quarantine bubble has been comfortable and has felt safe. My family are well, I’ve worked from home, I haven’t had to head out, I haven’t had to home school.

Still, I’ve felt quite anxious about yet more changes to our day-to-day lives.  It feels like a massive jump. A bit like we’re nocturnal animals coming out blinking into the daylight. 

More changes

We’ve only just adapted to our new routines of staying in, working, exercising, entertaining ourselves indoors. It’s given us an element of security and control amidst something so difficult to control.

And now suddenly we’re confronted with decisions, albeit positive ones. Do I go out for a drink with friends? Do I meet up with people? Is it really safe? Is it going to put into jeopardy the possibility of flying to see my parents and family anytime soon? 

On the other hand, isn’t this what I’ve been dreaming of, having a beer in the sun?

What’s comfortable for you?

After much deliberation I went out for a drink the other night for the first time since early March. It was really lovely to see friends, have a drink, have a chat, relax, enjoy being outside on a balmy evening. Hearing the everyday sounds of chat, laughter, glasses being clunked down on the table. Dogs barking, general neighbourhood noise. Sounds of life and activity.

But around an hour was enough for me. When that time passed I was ready to go for a bit of a walk then head back to the sofa to watch TV. 

And that’s ok. 

I think each of us has to work out what we are comfortable with, easing back into ‘normality’ bit by bit. I guess it’s the same with any change, big or small. Take baby steps and do what feels comfortable or doable. Staying paralysed or stuck is never a good thing. But with something as big as this, I think we can afford to be easy on ourselves.

If you’d like to sign up for a career change coaching session, you can do so here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Written during Writers’ Hour. Join me on the next one.

Photo by Alex Vasey on Unsplash