I’ve started reading a book by Matt Haig called The Midnight Library. It’s about regret. The main character Nora has access to The Book of Regrets. Here she can see all the regrets she’s had over the years. She has the opportunity to test out different versions of her life as it could have been if she’d made different decisions. There are infinite possibilities. Maybe she’d kept up her swimming, maybe she’d treated her brother differently, maybe she’d pursued a music career.
Although I’ve only read the first few chapters, I’m already discovering that the life you thought might been better, having made different or better decisions, isn’t necessarily the case. Things might not have actually worked out better another way.
“It can drive you insane, thinking of all the other lives we don’t live.”
I’ll find out what the overriding moral of the story is when I get to the end. But for now what I’m taking from it is that there’s not too much point regretting the past – without doing something about it now. Day dreaming about time travel and doing things differently won’t change anything. But, we can start doing what we’ve always dreamed of, now. Maybe in a smaller, simpler way.
Or, remind ourselves that we’ve kept ourselves small. Or listened to others instead of to ourselves in the past. And that from now on we’ll be listening more closely to ourselves.
If you’d like my support with your career change, you can book a package of 3 x 1-hour coaching sessions with me. I’ll help you make a plan to move forwards. Find me on LinkedIn or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
Thereâs a book I found helpful when I was in the exploratory phase of my career change. Otherwise known as the time when I read every possible book available on career change/how to decide what you really want to do/how to find your passion etc etc. It taught me about ‘possible selves’.
Itâs called Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career, and itâs written by Herminia Ibarra.
âPossible selves are the ideas we all have about who we might want to become. Some are concrete and well-informed by experience; others are vague and fuzzy, nascent and untested. Some are realistic; others are pure fantasy. And, naturally, some appeal more to us than others.â
You’re not searching for The One
I love this idea. Because straight off, it takes the pressure off. Youâre not searching for The One. Youâre not searching for this one dream job thatâs going to change your life, make everything better, make you happy.
Instead, youâre making a list of all those possible selves you think you might like to be.
There’s the you that carries on in a similar role, but with a different company. Another version of you that retrains as a teacher. A possible self that becomes an artist and lives by the sea. Another you that wants to work for XX company but doesnât know how to get in the door. The one that stays in your current role but somehow, magically, it gets better and you enjoy working there again. The version that starts up a business selling cheesy snacks that get snapped up by Waitrose and John Lewis.Â
Youâre having fun, youâre getting it all out of your head. The sensible ideas, the totally out there ideas. The ones youâre not sure about, the ones you’re extremely keen on.
The main thing is to not hold back. All of these possible selves are representing something in you. Maybe some are hinting at a creative you thatâs feeling frustrated and trapped. Maybe thereâs a part of you that wants autonomy and freedom. If you push these urges down and ignore them, youâre not going to deal with the feelings of frustration, theyâre just going to build.
Explore
The next step is to start to explore these possible selves, as many as you can.
It could be that you explore a more creative self, where your main work is creating. You look into the reality of what youâd need to do every day, what you might get paid, how long it might take etc. You speak to someone whoâs doing work in this area that you admire or that seems to enjoy it. And you realise that actually you wouldn’t really want to be an artist; trying to make money from it doesnât sound fun.
But you realise you really do want to be a part of that industry, and that finding a role similar to your current one, but in that industry, just might be an idea. Or you realise instead that starting something artistic as a hobby will bring you a lot of joy and a chance to express yourself in a way you havenât for a long time.
On the other hand it could be that you realise this is what you want to be doing. Therefore you need to make a plan. How can you make it happen? What have other people out there done to make it happen? How could you get started? Who could help you?
Nothing’s off limits
Itâs important to give credibility to your ideas, donât just dismiss them as silly. Part of the process is to make it as fun and interesting as possible, like a side project. Explore these ideas, see what you find out. Even if the result is that you definitely do not want to proceed in that direction, at least now youâre clear on that and you have a good idea of the reality.
It will help you to clarify what you want and sort through the muddle. And new ideas may appear.Â
I explored all sorts of possible selves. At first I considered staying in my role but working for another similar company. I tried out working as a tutor, a translator, a teaching assistant. Teaching English abroad, volunteering or working for a charity appealed, and I got close to going ahead. That even led me to do a teaching English as a foreign language (CELTA) qualification. I shadowed someone working in the foreign rights department of a publishing company. I started offering coaching sessions.
And I finally took a full-time role which tied in a lot the areas Iâd been exploring. It was in the world of education, using skills Iâd used in my former role such as sales and presenting, and for a company whose values mirrored mine.
Importantly, exploring possible selves helped me to shed my previous work identity, something Ibarra also writes about. I shed the constraints Iâd been holding onto, this is what a good job looks like, this is what I can do, this is the world I have to work in. It helped me to be open to new opportunities that I previously would have dismissed as not possible, or not right for me.
It’s a journey, and it takes time. But if you’re at that point where you’re feeling stuck and frustrated, you know you need to make a change but you don’t know how, then it’s worth the work.
If you need help with your career change, you can contact me at LinkedIn or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
There’s a podcaster I admire. He has a massively successful podcast with his wife, called Notes in Spanish, helping people to learn Spanish. I first discovered them years ago, when I started learning Spanish at an adult education centre. I was set to take a GSCE in Spanish and needed all the help I could get.
They made learning Spanish so fun, listening to Spanish Marina quietly correcting English Ben. Their focus is very much on going for it, making mistakes, enjoying the process. You got an insight into their life, their views and beliefs, and life in Madrid.
It turns out Ben’s written a book on how to start up an online business. He talks through how they grew a chance experiment – trying out creating a 10 minute podcast for the fun of it – into an online business where they could both quit their ‘real’ jobs and pay off their mortgage super quick.
Dream big
What I loved about reading the book was the way it inspired me. Ben’s quite a straightforward, slightly cynical guy, very down to earth. And in this book he talks about all the business self-help books he read to help him in growing the business, guided by ‘Gurus’ as he puts it. He talks about the importance of dreaming big, writing down your goals.
How a random goal you had a few years ago, his was (and I paraphrase massively) ‘I want to work fewer hours, spend more time with my family, do my own thing’, can come true.
I love it because I didn’t really expect him to quote Tim Ferriss or Tony Robbins, massive superstars in the entrepreneurial start-up/self-help/let’s maximise productivity world. Yet here he is, with his own particular self-help theory of saying ‘why not?’ whenever faced with doing something you don’t know how to do, but that interests you.
His enthusiasm and passion for finding something you are interested in and enjoy, and putting loads of time and hard work into it, learning loads along the way, is massively inspiring.
It made me think hard about what I want. And reminded me to just get on and do things. Stop procrastinating and thinking of reasons why not and just make stuff happen. As I always say, one tiny step at a time, which is exactly what he and Marina did.
I can’t emphasise enough how important I think it is to find people that inspire you. Read about them, or listen to them speak, or speak to them if that’s possible. There’s a reason they inspire you, there’s a spark there that you relate to. And there’s nothing like that burst of energy you get from someone making you think that maybe you too can dive into something exciting.
If you’d like to book a career change coaching session with me, contact me via LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.
I do love Autumn. An excuse to start hunkering down. A whole ânewâ wardrobe of long forgotten jeans, shirts, jumpers and shoes. And slippers!Â
Here are a few things Iâm looking forward to doing in the coming months.
Reading MORE books – I have Dolly Aldertonâs Ghosts and Richard Osmanâs The Thursday Murder Club next on my book pile. And audiobook versions of Claudia Winklemenâs Quite, and Caitlin Moranâs More Than a Woman. I feel and hope that they are all going to be warm hugs of books. I just finished Emma Gannonâs Olive which I loved. It was the reading equivalent of cuddling up on the sofa with a cup of tea. So when you actually read it on the sofa with a cup of tea, even better.Â
Films – with Halloween coming up, itâs the perfect excuse to find some spooky films to watch. On my list I have Coco, Hocus Pocus and I feel like rewatching Edward Scissorhands. And quite honestly, right now I want comforting old PG classics like Back to the Future, Parenthood, Father of the BrideâŚ
Popping into a cafĂŠ on my own, for a read and a coffee. I havenât done much of this at all this year, with the restrictions in place. But itâs such a joy, to just take a moment, read, people watch, see life passing by.Â
TV – I am so excited to watch the BBCâs Strictly Come Dancing…and whichever new BBC dramas are on their way. Iâm looking forward to watching some Netflix documentaries, the one on Ruth Bader Ginsburg, The Social Dilemma, the new David Attenborough series A Life on Planet Earth.Â
Cooking – I got into some serious cooking during lockdown, opening up unused recipe books and experimenting. This is the perfect time to try out some more new one-pot dishes, hearty, warming, delicious. And maybe the odd cake here and there. Nothing really beats a cup of tea and a bit of cake.Â
Lighting candles. I love it when the evenings get darker and I want to create a cosy feel, thereâs something magical about candlelight. It feels like a little ritual, lighting my candles and enjoying the glow.Â
Walking – at last the season of wrapping up warm and heading out for some leaf kicking! I want to spend as much time in nature as possible, just enjoying being outside. After the seriously restrictive lockdown here in Spain and then hot summer days where you canât easily walk around, Iâm so happy to be able to comfortably walk and walk and walkâŚ
Playing card games – another thing that helped me through lockdown – Iâve realised one of my happy places is playing a game while listening to music at the same time, singing along. Something about that combination makes me so happy. I guess you could call it âin the zoneâ, concentrating, being present. Perfect for when itâs crappy weather outside but you donât want to watch TV all day.
There we go. I hope youâve enjoyed reading about my plans for Autumn and things to look forward to and enjoy. Maybe itâs encouraged you to think of your own. Have fun!
At the moment there is a lot of fear and uncertainty around the coronavirus and how it will affect us all. Lots of people are worried about their jobs, paying mortgages and bills, home schooling, older parents and family.
If youâve already started considering a career change, you might wonder if now is really the time. There’s too much uncertainty. Surely no one is hiring or interviewing, the economy is taking a big hit, isnât this a pointless task?
I watched an interesting video on dealing with career change during a difficult time, with so much uncertainty. The host made a really important point that stood out to me – “now is the time to channel fearful energy into proactive energy”.
Here’s how.
I talk a lot about a few different things that really helped me with my career change. Amongst them are reading inspiring and practical books, blogs, and interviews around career change. About interesting people and how they life their lives. And also listening to podcasts, around the same subjects.
But time is quite often an issue with career change. We feel as though we’re too busy to think about something so big. We don’t have the headspace to really explore by reading widely and looking for inspiration, and writing down our dreams and thoughts.
Well now, a lot of us are working from home and not commuting. Or staying in in the evenings and weekends rather than carrying on with our busy social lives. So it’s a great opportunity to make use of the extra time. And channel that fearful energy into proactive energy.
For once, we have time.
Career change requires a lot of thinking time, exploring what you really want from your career right now. Maybe your ideas or values have changed in the past few years. Maybe youâve started on a trajectory that really isnât right for you any more. Itâs time to get clear on what your next move will be, whenever the time’s right.
Use books, online activities, talks, articles and blogposts to find some of your answers. Work out what inspires you, what kind of lifestyle you want to lead, how do you want to spend your time? Who is out there doing things that interest you, or is someone that you admire? How did they do it? What is their life philosophy? What can you learn?
Itâs also a great opportunity to do online courses and learn something new. It could be something that could help you in your next job, new skills or a new awareness of an industry. It could simply be learning something that interests you and makes you happy. There are lots of free or inexpensive courses out there – many hosted by well-known, inspiring people.
Staying stuck is the worst – whatever is going on in the world. Taking action, in whatever small way, really helps. Channel that fearful energy into something productive.
And if you’d have a life coaching session with me, sign up here on LinkedIn. Or email me at joaopoku@gmail.com.
