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Stuck in a groove – how Queer Eye can help you get unstuck

The TV show Queer Eye and an Aussie YouTuber are this week’s inspiration for getting unstuck and taking action. Random? Stick with me…

YouTube ‘reset your life’ videos

There’s an Aussie lady on YouTube who makes videos on productivity. She often publishes videos on resetting your life, her most popular ones. They are always along the lines of: ‘reset for the week ahead’, ‘a reset for this month’, or even ‘reset your life’. When you’re busy or stressed or overwhelmed, the thought of a reset is so appealing…

She’ll list the things she’s going to do: clean and tidy the flat; fix things that need to be repaired and have been bugging her; get into a new routine of healthy eating or going to bed earlier; organising and decluttering all her digital stuff. It’s strangely watchable. There’s something satisfying about watching someone else getting stuff done, ticking off their list.

Quite often when I speak to people in a coaching session who are feeling a bit stuck, it turns out they too want to change their daily routine and how they’re spending their time. They want a reset.

They want to eat more fruit, watch less tv, do more exercise. Sometimes there’s a bigger need as well, such as changing career or setting up a business on their own. Whatever the case, they want to get into some good habits like sleeping earlier and getting up earlier to have a bit more time. They want to look after themselves a bit more. And they want to get unstuck.

Queer Eye

Which brings me to the TV programme Queer Eye. Queer Eye is all about helping someone who is stuck in a groove. Five experts in five different areas – looking after your appearance, decoration, cookery, clothing and relationships – help someone who has been nominated as needing a shake up.

Perhaps they need to change their way of thinking about themselves, build some self-esteem and stop the super negative thoughts.

Often they could do with caring for themselves a little more and perking themselves up – sorting out a skincare routine, getting their hair cut and trying a new outfit.

Their home environment is tackled. Often they are settling for a far from ideal situation because of their low self-esteem or because of general lethargy. 

Frequently the person has a floundering business or could do with getting a jolt of energy into their career. 

The Queer Eye guys are empathetic and caring and gently kick their client’s butt, encouraging and motivating them to do things they’ve never done before. They build their self-belief. There are always tears and there’s always a joyful ending.

Plan a reset

I love the reset videos and Queer Eye because they inspire you to think about your own situation. Is there something nagging at you that you want to get done but you can’t seem to drum up the enthusiasm? Is there some kind of improvement you could make to your home? Do you need a kick up the butt to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do?

Sometimes it can be helpful to sit down and plan a reset. Write down all the different things you want to change and possible solutions. It can be as small as ‘get up 10 minutes earlier every day so I don’t have to rush’ to ‘find a new job in tech so I can quit my boring job’. It’s important to list the solutions too so that you can actually start to take action. 

If you want to wake up 10 minutes earlier and have more time, what can you actually do? You can set your alarm. Maybe you’ll plan what you’ll wear and set out your breakfast things the night before so that you have fewer decisions to make in the morning. You can work out what you’ll do with your extra 10 minutes. Plan to set a timer. Select a book you want to read. Do 10 minutes research on your new career.

If you want to find a new job what can you do? Plan to talk to someone who might have some advice. Start working with a coach to sort out what you really want to do. Read up on what CVs look like these days. Read a book on career change.

Monthly reset

You might want to plan a monthly reset. Take one day a month to sit down and take a broader look at your life and how you spend your time. Are you happy with it all? What would you like to change? What would you like to cut out? Is there anything you’d want to add in?

If you’d like to have some coaching sessions with me, contact me on LinkedIn or at joaopoku@gmail.com

Photo by Jace & Afsoon on Unsplash


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Self-belief

Lots of things have come up this week (thing’s I’ve read, conversations, social media posts) which make me more and more convinced that having a healthy dollop of self-belief is pretty much all you need to accomplish anything you want in life.

The people who are out there doing what they want – people I know, people I see from afar – all believe in their capabilities and are just getting on and doing it.

I’m also aware that so many of us are holding ourselves back – feeling under confident, confused, stuck, scared. And we could all be out there doing amazing things.

But something’s stopping us. Most likely it’s that little voice in our heads telling us that ‘we’re not enough’. Not experienced enough, not knowledgeable enough, not brave enough, not clever enough, not strong enough.

Because really – we’re all equipped to find a really great new job, we’re all equipped to start a small business. If you can read you can follow a guide, use Google, read a book, do a course, do whatever it takes. Work out what you need to do. The tools are there. It’s just the doing it that’s the hard part. Getting things moving.

How to you gain self-belief? How do you ‘improve’ it? I don’t really have the answer. But I have a sneaky suspicion it’s a muscle that you need to work. It’s something you can practise.

Read a book about confidence/self-belief/resilience and actually do the tasks they set. Listen to empowering speeches. Read the autobiography of someone you admire and learn from them. Practise getting better at making decisions – start small. Trust that you’ll make the right decision without asking everyone you know what they think first.

So start taking small steps towards whatever it is that you want to do. Tell yourself that if someone else has done it before, then you can do it too.

If you’d like help with career change coaching, you can book a 1-hour session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Alena Jarrett on Unsplash

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The daunting prospect of contacting a coach

Contacting a coach for the first time – I know how it feels. You’re putting yourself out there. You are not hiding away, as you may secretly want to do. Therefore it can be daunting. Contacting a coach can seem like a really big deal, you’re admitting that you need help, that perhaps you have a problem.

You feel you are putting yourself up for scrutiny.

You’re going to have to think hard, answer lots of questions, be honest, maybe admit some hard truths.

You’ll have to face the facts and the reality of your situation.

You’ll have to do some work – and you may wonder if you’re ready for it.

Are you ready to share your secrets and dreams with a total stranger?

The thing is, there can be such a relief and release in talking to a stranger. You can be honest. It’s a non-judgemental environment.

You can really let it out and talk about what you want. Maybe you want to make more money, you want to be valued for your skills. You know you could do better and have more.

There’s nothing like getting it all out there and then with the help of your coach, unpicking it, working out what to focus on and what to let go of.

Coaching is about taking action , moving forwards.

The coach’s sole goal is to help you and make things easier for you. You’ll be challenged, you’ll have to do some work – but with support and empathy and cheerleading from the sidelines.

If you’d like to sign up to career change coaching with me you can do so here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

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Sort it!

I love to organise and plan. It makes me feel good. I love a new to-do list, getting it all down on paper, getting my head together. I like sorting things out, the feeling of ticking something off a list. And I love a good makeover.

If a book I’m reading mentions anything to do with decluttering, or someone getting their life together and having a makeover, I’m thrilled. Particularly if it’s about the space they are in. Sorting out a room or a house, cleaning, repairing, chucking out old, broken, useless stuff. Sprucing it up, giving it a refresh. A bit of paint here, a good clean, moving the furniture around. That stuff sucks me in. 

This love of organisation and decluttering comes into my career change coaching work. I love helping career change clients to sort through the fog and gain clarity.

Get rid of the murky thoughts

They’re overwhelmed, stressed, with lots of thoughts and ideas milling around in their heads. Quite often it’s a bit murky, a bit negative. Sometimes there are some old beliefs in there – reminding them that they are not good enough, or what they should or shouldn’t be doing.

More often that not, these clients have some great ideas and dreams. But these are clouded by feelings of inadequacy, a lack of confidence, a fear of failure. 

So – I work through all this with a client. 

Like we would do tackling a house makeover – we sort stuff out. Then we clean it up. We get rid of the stuff we don’t need, the thoughts or beliefs that are dragging us down or making us feel bad. I work with a client to really understand what is behind a particular negative belief.

For example if they say, ‘but I’m not creative’ – what do they really mean? Have they had a bad experience where they think they’ve failed or someone has told them they are not creative? How has this affected their thinking going forwards? Can they think of any time where in fact they have been creative? 

Gain clarity

Meanwhile, we gain clarity. We sort through the mess, sort through the ideas. I aim to get to the heart of what a client wants, what do they really want to do?

I encourage my clients to let the unhelpful thoughts go, and try to see things from a new perspective. What skills do they actually have? Are they transferable? Which skills could they see themselves enjoying using in a different role?

And finally we get organised, we plan. What steps does my client need to take to get them to where they want to be? Can we break down each step into even smaller, less intimidating steps?

We work out what the client can do in the next week, a small doable step that’s going to move them forwards in their shift. And we repeat this over time, keeping moving forwards.

If you’d like to book a career change coaching session with me, you can do so here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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Get out of your own way

Talking to a new client this week I realised that she has clearly spent time thinking about her career change. She has all sorts of ideas about what she really wants to do. But she’s procrastinating.

We uncovered that she had a list of possible roles that interest her and that she’d like to explore.

There’s even a course that interests her – although she’s twice skipped getting started. 

She’s quite clear on what she doesn’t want, 1) to stay working for her company, and 2) a role where she spends the majority of her time writing. 

A company where personal growth and learning is encouraged, and important, is much more appealing. She’s clearly curious and keen to learn and at the moment that is being ignored. So a company where learning is one of the values seems like a good fit. 

She’d also like to earn more money and feels quite undervalued in what she does.

So why hasn’t she yet made the next step – when she pretty much knows what she wants?

Mainly fear. 

What’s stopping her from finding and applying for new roles? Perhaps a sense that her current role is so specific that other companies won’t be able to see her other skills and attributes. 

Maybe she sees the specifications and tells herself she’s not qualified/experienced/able enough. Although – recruitment experts suggest applying for a role if you can meet only 70% of the requirements. If you’re a good fit you can learn the rest. 

Why hasn’t she gone ahead with the course? She admitted that she didn’t feel creative enough. So she’s put a barrier in her way, perhaps feeling inadequate or worried she won’t enjoy the course.

Luckily we came up with a couple of solutions to this – speaking to acquaintances who work in the industry and getting their take on her fears around creativity. And speaking to the course provider and learning a bit more about the reality of what the course entails.  

This is quite common with clients. Although they feel stuck at work and frustrated and despairing – in fact they have a pretty clear idea of alternatives that would make them happier. But they are procrastinating, based on fear, which is totally understandable. Change and putting yourself out there can be scary – you can’t predict the outcome.

You might be setting yourself up for rejection, feeling uncomfortable, failure. 

But the thing is  – staying stuck is not a good feeling. Feelings of frustration. Getting angry at yourself for letting yourself stay in the current situation. That negative voice in our heads can be so harsh. 

The thing about going through rejection, feeling uncomfortable, potential failure – is that you always come out the other side, and you always learn something. Even if you learn that you should trust your instincts more. That no, that company doesn’t hold the same values as you. Or that yes, you should have swotted up more on the company’s vision. Yes, that role definitely isn’t for you. 

With all this you’re moving forward, learning, gaining momentum, getting closer to what you want. You’re narrowing it down, practising for when it really matters. 

Only you can change your situation, really. You have to find a way to take action and stop procrastinating. Whether it’s getting a friend to be your ally and spur you on, speaking to a coach, getting help from a mentor. Find a way to feel supported – and do what you have to do. You already know what you have to do – you just have to get past yourself and start, step by step.

I offer career change coaching. You can book a session here: calendly.com/joannaopokulifecoaching. Or get in touch if you’d like to learn more. Find me on LinkedIn or email at joaopoku@gmail.com.

Photo by Donald Giannatti on Unsplash